13 Reasons Why
by TheMidnightSociety
Summary: Based off the book/TV show "13 Reasons Why"... but plot twist, (this) Hanna lives. A box of cassette tapes recorded by Hanna before her (failed) suicide details thirteen reasons why she tried to end her life. With Hanna not actually dying, how will these select individuals face her now that they know their actions, however small, almost cost the girl her life? Based off of 5A. AU.
1. Always The Problem

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Some of the texts in a few of the tape chapters are taken directly from the netflix series "13 Reasons Why". Trigger warning for self-harm and attempted suicide.**

"You're the problem Hanna! You're always the problem!" Those two sentences were the only things running through Hanna's mind as she slowly made her way to her bathroom, razor blade in hand. She approached the filled tub and submerged herself, with her clothes on, in the cold water. It was the perfect temperature, Hanna thought; freezing. It made her exposed skin feel numb. Numb was the perfect word to describe how Hanna was feeling on the inside, and thanks to the water, on the outside now too.

What Aria told Hanna the night before brought her to a situation that she thought wouldn't actually happen so soon: suicide. Even when Hanna found out that her best friend Mona was actually the person torturing her throughout her junior year of high school, Hanna never thought of killing herself. Her life back then seemed like child's play compared to her life now. Not only did she have another psychopath after her but this time her friends seem to be against her and if that wasn't enough, her frenemy, Alison, was back in Rosewood and everyone seemed to be confusing Hanna for her. With Alison back, Hanna had no idea who the hell she was anymore. Or maybe she never knew to begin with.

A reminder of all the terrible things that had happened in Hanna's life so far came flooding through her thoughts like tidal waves. At that moment, she knew exactly what she had to do; she had to make it stop. She had to make her life stop. She knew it couldn't possibly get better from there on. So she raised the razor blade in her right hand and slowly dragged it across her left wrist. She cut deep enough to the point where blood was oozing out. The sight and the pain of it made Hanna shed a few tears but she knew she had to do the same with the other wrist so that is what she did.

After a few minutes, Hanna passed out. As she passed out, a knock was heard at her front door. It was Caleb.

"Hanna? Are you home? I thought you said you were going to ditch school and grab something to eat with me? You haven't answered my texts or my calls either. That was almost two hours ago. What's going on? Are you okay? Hanna, I know you're home; your car is in the driveway. Please just answer the door," pleaded Caleb.

But his words fell on deaf ears. Caleb used to crash at Hanna's house. He was a pro at sneaking in and hiding from Hanna's mom. He made his way to the back patio, moved the flower pot that was next to the door and picked up the spare key that was lying under it. He made his way back to the front door and let himself in. He knew Hanna. Something happened to her at school that she doesn't want to talk about with him. Caleb flew up the stairs like a bat out of hell while simultaneously calling her name. He looked in every room, just to be safe. He walked by her bedroom and saw that she wasn't in it. The door to the bathroom was closed so Caleb figured she must be in there. He didn't hear the shower running so maybe she was taking a bath and couldn't reach her phone? He was trying to be optimistic. Being the gentleman that he was, he knocked before entering.

"Hanna. It's Caleb. Why didn't you come back to the cabin? Did something happen at school?" he asked sadly, hoping the answer was no and that Hanna just wanted to skip school and take a nice hot bath.

When he got no response, he turned the knob and found that the door was unlocked.

"I'm coming in Han," he said apprehensively.

Caleb was honestly just hoping that she fell asleep while taking a bath. After all, she's done that before. But what he saw when he opened that door nearly made him faint. He wasn't wrong; Hanna was taking a bath. But apparently she planned on making it her last one. She was passed out in the tub with her clothes on. Caleb refused to think she was dead. Both of her wrists were bleeding and the water in the tub was starting to turn red. He immediately ran towards Hanna and started to shake her shoulders.

"Hanna, baby. Please, please, please wake up! Why would you do this to yourself?!" he cried hysterically. He pressed his ear to her chest to see if she still had a heartbeat. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when he heard the faint "lub dub" sound coming from beneath his ear. He immediately pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed 911.

"911. What's your emergency?" asked a friendly woman.

"My girlfriend just slit her wrists and tried to kill herself!" Caleb yelled frantically.

"Sir please calm down and tell me where you are so we can get help to your girlfriend as soon as possible" she said calmly.

"She lives at 34 Turning Leaf Lane. Please hurry! I don't think she has much longer!" Caleb cried into the phone.

"Help is on the way! In the meantime, try to find a way to stop the bleeding," she added.

"I will. Thank you" added a calmer Caleb.

"Good luck and I wish you and your girlfriend the best," she said sincerely.

"Thanks again," Caleb said as he ended the call.

Caleb looked around the bathroom and found what he was looking for. He grabbed two small towels and made his way back to Hanna. He wrapped a towel around each wrist to make a tourniquet. When that was done, he checked to see if Hanna's heart was still beating: It was, but it was very faint. He sat Hanna up to help increase her heart rate.

"Where are the paramedics!?" Caleb thought to himself. He checked his phone and it had been three minutes since he called 911. Just as he put his phone back in his pocket, the sound of sirens wrung through the neighborhood.

"Finally," Caleb said under his breath. The sirens got louder. Caleb ran to the bathroom window and saw that the ambulance had arrived in front of the house. The paramedics got out with a stretcher and looked up to see Caleb in the window. Caleb waved to silently let them know that that is where in the house they needed to go.

Thankfully, on his way into the house to find Hanna, Caleb left the door wide open so that saved everyone some time. Caleb could hear the paramedics running up the stairs and them dragging the stretcher.

After what seemed like an eternity, the paramedics reached the bathroom and carefully laid Hanna on the stretcher. They placed an oxygen mask over her mouth and began to carry her out to the ambulance. Caleb followed suit but stopped in front of Hanna's room when he caught something out of the corner of his eye lying on her bed. He walked into her room, turned the light on and noticed that there was a shoe box on her bed with a sticky note on top. He wondered why he didn't notice that earlier when he checked to see if Hanna was in there.

"That's weird," Caleb said to himself. He really wanted to get to the hospital to be with Hanna but he thought that maybe whatever this was could help him help her.

He peeled the sticky note off the box and read what it said: "For whoever finds me first – Hanna".

"What the hell does that mean?" Caleb said aloud this time.

He took the cover off of the shoe box and what he found inside confused him even more. Inside the box were a bunch of cassette tapes. Caleb wondered why Hanna would have these. He didn't even think they made those things anymore or that Hanna even knew what they were.

Caleb looked up from the shoe box for a second and noticed something else that stood out in Hanna's room. On her nightstand was a cassette player. He picked it and the box of tapes up and made his way back downstairs. He needed to know what were on those tapes, but more importantly, he needed to know if Hanna was still alive.


	2. Tape 1, Side A

_Hey, it's Hanna. Hanna Marin. That's right. It's me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests. Get a snack. Settle in. Because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to this tape you're one of the reasons why. I'm not saying which tape brings you into the story. But fear not, if you received this lovely little box, your name will pop up. I promise._

 _The rules here are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: you listen. Number two: you pass it on. Hopefully, neither one will be easy. It's not supposed to be easy, or I would have emailed you an MP3. When you're done listening to all 13 sides, because there are 13 sides to every story, rewind the tapes, put them back in the box, and pass them on to the next person. You see, in case you're tempted to break the rules, understand that I did make a copy of these tapes, and I left them with a trusted individual who, if this package doesn't make it through all of you, will release those copies in a very public manner. This was not a spur of the moment decision. Do not take me for granted. Not again._

 _I'm going to be honest here, funny coming from a Liar like me, right? But no, seriously, if your name is first on this list; don't make the mistake of thinking you contributed less to my death than the person who is number 13. These tapes may seem like they're all over the place but bear with me. I tried to put them in order chronologically but that was hard to do seeing as some of you demoralized me on more than one occasion throughout different times in my life._

 _In the words of the great Hilary Duff: "let's go back, back to the beginning." Not the very beginning, as in my birth, but close enough… Dad, welcome to your tape. Have any of you ever heard of The Snowball Effect? For those of you who don't know, The Snowball Effect is when one little, insignificant thing can grow and turn into a huge problem as more things are rolled on. That is exactly what happened with dear old Dad. I tried to pinpoint the time in my life when things started going south and Dad, you having an affair with Isabel is that time. When you cheated on mom, you didn't just cheat on her, you cheated on me too. It wasn't bad enough that you divorced mom but you had to go and marry Isabel on top of that? Way to twist the knife. I guess mom and I weren't good enough for you and Isabel and Kate were our replacements, huh? You probably didn't even know the affect you had on me when you left. I developed binge-eating disorder and I nearly weighed 200 lbs. But did you care? No. I don't even think you noticed, which was kind of hard to do seeing as I liked like an Oompa Loompa. Someone definitely noticed though. I even got a special nickname from them. That person knows who they are and they'll make their appearance on these tapes eventually._

 _But that's what I'm talking about with The Snowball Effect though. You divorcing mom led me to having an eating disorder. Anyway Dad, it's kind of sad that the only way I got your attention was by getting into trouble. That's why I started shop-lifting. And this is how the ball keeps on rolling. Me shop-lifting led Mom to sleeping with Detective Wilden to drop the charges. Their relationship was tense to say the least. Tense enough for mom to be accused and arrested for his murder. I basically almost became an orphan, ultimately because of you._

 _Tom, you don't deserve the title of Dad because you were a shitty father. Well to me, at least. You paid for Kate's college, aka your step-daughter, but refused to pay for my college because you thought I wasn't smart enough to go. That hurt. A lot. I bet you didn't know that I did so well on my SATs that the teachers called me in because they thought I cheated._

 _When I was tortured and stalked by a psychopath (who just so happened to be my best friend), arrested, run over by a car and found out that my dead friend wasn't actually dead, you weren't there for me. At all. If I have a funeral, you probably wouldn't even go. And to be honest, I wouldn't even want you there. I've only known (Pastor) Ted for a few months but he's been a better dad to me than you have or ever will be. Obviously I won't be getting married but if I did, I would've wanted Ted to walk me down the aisle. You don't deserve that honor._

 _This is the end of tape 1, side A. Flip the cassette over to find out if you're reason number 2._


	3. Tape 1, Side B

_Welcome back. So glad you're still listening. Are you having fun? You must be wondering who's next and why? Is it you? What did you do? How did you end up on these tapes? Maybe you did something cruel. Or maybe you just watched it happen. Maybe you didn't even realize you were being cruel. Maybe you didn't do anything at all. And maybe you should have. Too late. I know exactly what you did. And after these tapes, you'll never forget it. I know I won't. And oh by the way...I'm still dead._

 _See, I can guarantee that one of the reasons you're still listening is that you really want to know who are the others? Who else is responsible for my death? Well, you're going to learn soon enough. And, of course, they're going to learn about you, too. If they haven't already._

 _Okay. Enough with the small talk. It's time to meet the star of Tape 1, Side B. So, without further ado, let me introduce my step-sister. Step up, Kate Randall. You're next._

 _Yes. This is the daughter that my dad replaced me with. Kate, I don't have to tell you, you know you're pretty and perfect. You're everything my dad ever wanted in a daughter. That's why he treats you like you're the biological daughter and treats me like I'm the step-daughter. Not only did you (and your mom) steal my dad away from me but you also stole my money for college too. How wrong is that? You're the step-daughter and you get your college paid for by MY dad and I get jack shit._

 _Don't worry, Kate. You stealing my money for college is not the only reason why you get your own tape. You're also on here because of the dress AND because of the picture. Let's start off with the dress, shall we?_

 _I honestly don't know why I told my dad I would be a part of his wedding to your mom. It was like a constant reminder that my dad left and found someone else. You seemed so nice on the night of the wedding rehearsal and I thought that maybe we could actually be sisters. But nope. You ruined it by stabbing me in the back._

 _We both had to give speeches that night so you suggested we add vodka to our drinks to calm our nerves. I (stupidly) agreed and soon got very drunk. You then left me alone in the bathroom with your mom's wedding dress, and I threw up on it before I passed out. My dad was furious with me for getting drunk and ruining Isabel's dress. He thought I did it intentionally and he didn't believe me when I tried to explain. Then you returned after my dad left but were surprised to see me with my grandma. My grandma found out your little plan. She grabbed your purse and revealed that you had water bottles full of vodka for me and unspiked water bottles for yourself. My grandma exposed you for setting me up and trying to win over my dad's affections._

 _Not only did you ruin my home life but you had to go and ruin my school life too by enrolling in Rosewood High. The first day you started you were (uncharacteristically) nice and I (again) stupidly thought that you wanted a fresh start and to just let bygones be bygones… whatever that means. The night of the wedding dress fiasco, I vowed revenge but you just shrugged your shoulders and walked away. Then you used my thirst for revenge to fuel your next plan. And yes, I'm talking about the picture Kate._

 _My friend Spencer told you that if being nice to me was a charade, you'd better keep it up or she would send pictures from that summer (you know which one I'm talking about) to the whole school. Spencer was just telling you to act nice around me. I guess that was too hard for you to do because you decided to send a picture of your own around instead._

 _The day after Spencer confronted you in the locker room, everyone on my contacts list received a photo of you, naked, changing in the locker room. I thought a certain someone (who has a tape of their own) sent that picture. I would have never thought you did it. I guess it was like that scene in "Mean Girls" when Regina adds herself to the burn book so it looks like she wasn't involved in making it._

 _I almost got expelled because of you! But due to the "unusual" situation, Vice Principal Tamborelli insisted that we attend the Rosewood High Truth Up Day, "a guided workshop where students can own up to bad behavior and tear down barriers", until the school board decided what to do. I guess you and your mom thought that punishment wasn't enough and asked Tamborelli for a harsher one. On Truth Up Day, you told Aria's mom that students should have their own say, and if someone has messed with them, they should get to choose how to punish them, which Noel Kahn agreed too._

 _He said that that if someone messed with him, he would want payback, and he explained how bad boys have nothing on mean girls, as a guy throws a few punches, whereas girls gang up on one another and don't fight fair, while glaring at me. I snapped back, saying he was the worst person in Rosewood, and seeing I had no allies, I stormed off. You made everyone feel sorry for you and made me look like a jerk. And on top of that, you had the guys falling all over your "hot body" and them asking me if you were available._

 _But I noticed something that you probably didn't expect. While you pulled off your sweater in the hall that day, I noticed a birthmark on your waist. That made me realize something; you didn't have a birthmark in that picture, which meant it could've been photo shopped. Then I realized that you must have sent that picture out yourself. So I confronted you about it in the girls' bathroom and my friends secretly recorded your confession. Then I turned you into Tamborelli._

 _I know what some of you might be thinking: "If you proved that she was the one who did it and got her in trouble for it, then why are you being so butt hurt over it?" I'll tell you why; it's because she ruined my reputation. It doesn't matter if I won in the end. The point is that people already made up their minds about me when they thought I was the one who sent the picture. My own mother even thought I would stoop that low. She thought I did it but she knew how much I hated you Kate so I can't say I really blame her. I'm not going to lie (for once), your plan, Kate, was genius, had you not been caught._

 _This is the end of tape 1, side B. Insert cassette 2 to find out if you're reason number 3._


	4. Tape 2, Side A

_You've heard of The Butterfly Effect, right? That if a butterfly flaps its wings at just the right time in just the right place; it can cause a hurricane thousands of miles away. It's chaos theory. But, see, chaos theory isn't exactly about chaos. It's about how a tiny change in a big system can affect everything. Chaos theory. Sounds dramatic, but it's not. Ask a mathematician. Better yet, ask someone who's been in a hurricane._

 _One text message. That was the tiny change that affected everything. I still remember exactly what that text said till this very day. How could I ever forget it? Those words changed my life forever. I bet you're dying to know what that text said, right? Well if you're Mona Vanderwaal, then you already know… because you're the one who sent it to me. If you're not Mona Vanderwaal, I'll tell you what it said anyway: "Be careful, Hanna. I hear prison food makes you fat. –A"._

 _I'm sure you all know about the infamous "A", aka my best friend Mona, by now. If you don't, let me refresh your memory. "A" is an anonymous psychopath/stalker that sends threatening messages to and blackmails me, Spencer Hastings, Emily Fields, Aria Montgomery and Alison DiLaurentis. And how appropriate is it that her tape is on the A side of the cassette?_

 _Anyway, if I were to tell you everything that Mona did to me and my friends as "A", I would probably need another 13 cassette tapes. So I'll just tell you some of the big ones she did to me: She almost brought back my eating disorder, she ran me over with a car and probably the worst of them all; she betrayed me._

 _You might be thinking: "what the hell did you do that was so bad it made your best friend want to stalk and torture you?" That's exactly what I asked myself when I found out that Mona was A. You see, Mona and I were friends in eighth grade. Eventually, however, I became a part of Alison DiLaurentis's (don't worry Ali; you'll get a tape of your own) clique and Mona was subjected to her bullying. Deep down inside, Mona never forgot the way Alison had previously treated her; as an outsider and a dork. She was nicknamed "Loser Mona" by Alison._

 _Mona is a very self-conscious person. Due to the bullying and rejection she faced when Alison was around, Mona developed a complex in which she was not happy with her life. Although she doesn't show this side of her in public, this is why Mona felt such a need to remain popular, beautiful, and best friends with me._

 _This is also why she started tormenting me, Spencer, Emily and Aria as "A", because she was afraid that that the girls would steal me from her again, her only friend. She and I became best friends again when Ali's clique was disbanded. Mona figured that I would not give up the chance to become popular. Our friendship stayed strong until "A" began torturing us, forcing me to become closer to my old friends. This is the very reason Mona became "A"; she was angry at my friends for taking me away from her._

 _Wait, I'm not done. Mona being "A" is not the only reason why she contributes to my death. There's more. I forgot to mention that after Ali went missing, Mona decided that we should get makeovers and that's how we became popular. I lost weight, Mona ditched the glasses and the pigtails and we both upgraded our wardrobes. Mona, you might have had good intentions but you essentially turned me into Alison._

 _And when Alison came back into the picture, I didn't know who the hell I was. I was tired of everyone confusing me for Ali so I decided it was time for another makeover; I cut and dyed my hair and I changed my wardrobe once again. I was having an identity crisis and the only thing that got me through it was alcohol. And here is where The Snowball Effect comes back in. Although drinking got me through some situations, it also got me into other ones. But I'll save that for another tape._

 _And for those of you wondering if I ever forgave Mona, I did. I'm not usually one to hold a grudge and once I understood why she did what she did, I actually felt bad for her. I don't know, maybe I was just stupid. I knew things were never going to be the same between us, obviously, but hey, at least we weren't total enemies anymore._

 _This is the end of tape 2, side A. Flip the cassette over to find out if you're reason number 4._


	5. Tape 2, Side B

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have seen the PLL spinoff, "Ravenswood" so I know what really happened between Caleb and Miranda. And I know Caleb eventually tells Hanna what happened in Ravenswood in 5x11 "No One Here Can Love or Understand Me" BUT in this universe, Hanna's suicide (attempt) takes place roughly between 5x09 "March of Crimes" and 5x10 "A Dark Ali". I changed things to make the story seem more dramatic.**

 _Let me start this tape off by saying that I only knew the subject of this tape for like two hours. And that was enough time for them to affect my life. Miranda Collins, welcome to your tape._

 _I met Miranda in a mansion in Ravenswood while looking for my "dead" friend. You see, Miranda and I were both visiting the creepy town to find someone: for me, it was Alison and for Miranda, it was her long lost uncle. She was a foster child and was going to Ravenswood to meet her uncle for the very first time since leaving Ravenswood. She encountered my boyfriend Caleb Rivers on the bus ride there. He too was a foster child and was coming to Ravenswood to help me (and my friends). I guess he found an ally in Miranda since they shared very similar upbringings._

 _After they arrived in Ravenswood, Miranda found me in the phone booth inside the mansion and she let me out. Miranda must've realized that I was Caleb's girlfriend. We made our way through the house, looking for an exit, until we found a room full of coffins. Miranda remembered being in that room with her uncle at her parents' funeral, and realized that her uncle had abandoned her there. The two of us finally found our way out of the house and went to the graveyard to find Caleb. Miranda, meanwhile, found a gravestone with her name and face on it, and of course, she was baffled. I invited her back to Rosewood and offered her to stay with me but Miranda refused because she still had questions for her uncle. I told Caleb to stay with her to make sure she stayed safe. Me and Caleb kissed and bade farewell. He stayed in Ravenswood and I went back to Rosewood. We kept a long distance relationship._

 _Was I stupid for letting me boyfriend stay in a weird, creepy town with a beautiful girl? Probably. I trusted Caleb though. Miranda was nice and I felt bad for her. But if I knew how things were going to play out after that, I would've never asked Caleb to stay with her._

 _When Caleb visited me in Rosewood, I knew something had happened back in Ravenswood. He wouldn't tell me what it was and just said that "Miranda needed him" and that "it was complicated". You know what I must've been thinking, right? Yup. I thought he was cheating on me with Miranda. I kept telling him to tell me what happened but he wouldn't. We fought and he left me… to be with her._

 _When we were reunited a short time later, I noticed some changes in Caleb. He cut his hair, grew some facial hair, and he changed his clothes. This was around the same time that I was going through my identity crisis. So it wasn't that long ago. Neither one of us wanted to talk about our problems so we turned to alcohol._

 _Caleb never told me what happened in Ravenswood. But I know that whatever did happen, it was tearing him up inside and keeping him up at night. If I had to describe how he looked in one word, that word would be haunted._

 _I know I'm being extreme, but none of this would've ever happened if I didn't meet you Miranda. If I never met you, sure I'd probably still be trapped in that phone booth, but I never would have felt obligated to ask Caleb to stay with you. He never would have left me and who knows how things might have turned out? If I stayed trapped in that phone booth, maybe me and my friends never would have found Ali and I wouldn't have gone through my identity crisis and things would've played out differently for me and Caleb. Do you ever imagine how different your life would be if you never met a certain person? I thought about that every day with Miranda._

 _You'll probably never hear this tape Miranda, but I want you to know that I don't hate you. And I don't blame you for falling for Caleb either._

 _This is the end of tape 2, side B. Insert cassette 3 to find out if you're reason number 5._


	6. Tape 3, Side A

_Boys are assholes. Some are assholes all of the time. All are assholes some of the time. It's just how boys are. Well, maybe not all boys._

 _Caleb, I know you're asking yourself why you're on these tapes. What could you possibly have done?_ _Your name does not belong on this list. But you need to be here if I'm going to tell my story. If I'm going to explain why I did what I did. Because you aren't every other guy. You're different. You're good and kind and decent. And I didn't deserve to be with someone like you. I never would. It wasn't you. It was me, and everything that's happened to me._

 _I've ruined your life, Caleb. Just by association, you were thrown into the world that is "A". Because of me, you got shot, your mother almost died in a car accident, and most importantly, I killed your spirit. I should've never let you stay in Ravenswood. Or maybe I should've just stayed with you. If I would've stayed, then maybe you wouldn't be in that place that you are in right now. I wish you would have told me what happened in Ravenswood. Maybe I could've helped. Maybe not. Knowing that I was ultimately what caused you so much pain and suffering was too much for me to bear. And that is why you are on these tapes; because you let me into your life when you shouldn't have. You should've just walked away when you had the chance._

 _I wanted to be with you Caleb, so badly. But it was selfish of me to even think of having a life with you. I wasn't a safe person to be around. Everything in my life was unpredictable. 17 years old and I had already been arrested twice. You wouldn't want to have a life with someone like me. A life where you're scared to even look at your phone and one in which a black hoodie makes you paranoid._

 _And I'm assuming you're the one who found my body. It had to have been you, my mom or Alison. But I know it was you. You were always there when I needed you the most. You were always the first one by my side when something went wrong or when I needed help. It's like you sensed when I was in trouble. And I always felt safe when I was with you. Even when we weren't together._

 _I'm not mad at you Caleb for hooking up with Miranda. She was a pretty girl and you two had a lot in common. Plus she wasn't me so there's that. She was like a clean slate. She didn't come with all this baggage. But losing you was like losing a limb. When you came back to Rosewood (for good), it was like losing you all over again when I realized how much being in that town had changed you. Neither of us were who we used to be. We were just "two ghosts standing in the place of you and me. Trying to remember how it felt to have a heartbeat."_

 _I'll never know what really happened in Ravenswood but what I do know is that I could have prevented it by not asking you to stay._

 _I'm sorry Caleb. And I love you._

 _This is the end of tape 3, side A. Flip the cassette over to find out if you're reason number 6._

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: The words in quotations are from the Harry Styles's song, "Two Ghosts". I think that song describes Haleb in 5A perfectly.**


	7. Tape 3, Side B

_Have you ever had a gut feeling? Like you had a thought that was a reflection of intuition rather than rationality? I have._

 _All my friends thought I was crazy when I said I thought Alison DiLaurentis was still alive. I guess I can't blame them seeing as we did go to her funeral. At first, Spencer, Emily, Aria and I thought that "A" was Ali herself, because this person knew secrets that only Ali would know. But after "Ali's" body was found, we realized that someone else was planning on ruining our lives._

 _But I didn't think she was really gone. Something in my gut was telling me that Ali was still alive somewhere. And low and behold… I was right. Nearly two years after she went missing, my friends and I found Ali alive and in the flesh in Spencer's backyard._

 _A few nights before they found "Ali's" body, Mona and I played Ouija. Mona suggested we ask the spirits what happened to Ali. The board game told us: "A-L-I-V-E" before I saw Alison standing on my patio. The night after I saw Ali on my patio, I called Mrs. DiLaurentis and I told her that Ali was alive. Then three days later, they found "her" body._

 _You might think this tape is about Ali's mom. But it's not. It's about her dad: Kenneth DiLaurentis. You ripped me a new asshole Mr. DiLaurentis, when I told Ali's mom that her daughter was alive._

 _You got out of your car, ran over to me (and Mona) and started yelling at me (in front of everyone might I add). You said, and I quote: "Do you have any idea what your little joke did to my wife?! She believed you. You gave her hope! You stay away from my family! How could you?" And you still hated me almost two years later. I could just feel it. You never forgave me… And probably never will._

 _I approached you Mr. DiLaurentis sometime after "Ali's" body was stolen and said I was sorry for what I did, but I swore to you that I had nothing to do with what happened to her grave. You cut me off and said that a friend would never do what I did._

 _Everyone now knows that Alison DiLaurentis is indeed alive and that someone else was buried in her backyard. I was right all along but do you think Ali's dad ever forgave me? Of course not. He called me a bad friend for essentially telling the truth. How the hell was I (or anyone) supposed to know that it was really a girl named Bethany Young buried in the DiLaurentis's backyard, rather than Ali herself?_

 _Mr. DiLaurentis, you honestly think that I would joke about your daughter being alive when she was missing and presumed to be dead? What kind of person did you think I was? I never thought myself to be that cruel._

 _The point of this tape is to explain how no one ever seemed to believe me because I was the stereotypical "dumb blonde". With some of you in the upcoming tapes, people not believing in me is a common theme._

 _This is the end of tape 3, side B. Insert cassette 4 to find out if you're reason number 7._


	8. Tape 4, Side A

_Remember when I asked if you'd ever imagined how different your life would be if you never met a certain person? I previously mentioned this on Miranda's tape but this concept applies to this person's tape as well._

 _Alison DiLaurentis, as promised, you get a tape of your very own. Ali, I know it's wrong to say that most of the bad things that've happened in my life were because of you, but sometimes I feel that if I wasn't friends with you, maybe I wouldn't be making these tapes and you wouldn't be listening to them. Some of the people on these tapes I wouldn't even know and/or wouldn't be on this list if it weren't for you._

 _Do you also remember when I said that Mona was nicknamed "Loser Mona" by Ali? Well, don't sound too surprised because Ali had names for everyone. Say hello to "Hefty Hanna". Ali cruelly mocked and teased me about my weight. When I expressed my desire to come clean to the police about "The Jenna Thing" and explain that it was an accident, Ali was so mean to me. She railed on me, basically calling me a fat loser. She called me a wannabe and other rude things leaving me in tears until Aria scolded her, forcing Ali to apologize. Ali told me that "she didn't mean it" and that "she was just freaked out". Bullshit. You frequently left me feeling bad about myself._

 _Another thing I mentioned in a previous tape was that my dad leaving led me to binge eating. One day I had eaten an entire pie in my kitchen at home. Ali had walked in on me and I quickly tried to clear the evidence by throwing it in the garbage; however, Ali had seen it anyway. I broke down in tears, and Alison comforted me, hugging me and murmuring, "I understand." She then wiped away my tears and told me that I didn't have to feel that way, and she could show me how to get rid of it. You all probably think that when Ali told me "how to get rid of it" that she meant with diet and exercise. But no, she showed me how to purge the calories that I had just binged. I spent five summers at fat camp to overcome the bulimia and to (obviously) lose weight._

 _When we went to Ravenswood, I found one of your journals in "A's" lair. I stole it and eventually told the girls that I had it. They realized that you used fake names and they read one story titled "The Cradle Robber". And yes, I was the "Cradle Robber". In the story, you wrote about how you caught me and Aria's younger brother Mike, together. You told me how wrong and how gross it was. I told you he was nice to me in which you replied "Oh, please. He just wanted to feel your boobs. And you let him." I then went on to say that I wasn't pretty or perfect like the rest of you guys and you said "that doesn't mean you have to settle for being a Cradle Robber". I begged you not to tell Aria and you agreed not to. You then told me that I would find someone who will love me exactly for who I am and that it might just take me longer than the rest of them, that's all. That line was meant to hurt me without me knowing you were trying to hurt me. You've always been a bitch Ali but sometimes your bitchiness was disguised as kindness._

 _After the whole Ian Thomas situation, Spencer, Emily, Aria and I were forced to see a shrink; Dr. Sullivan. In one of our sessions, I told Dr. Sullivan my true feelings about you Alison, in hopes of letting go. My role playing made it seem that you were really there, taunting me about my feelings. I called you the best friend I ever had, but also my worst enemy. And that still holds true to this day. During that role play, you were condescending, but I didn't allow the mental torture to continue, not caring whether you approved of me anymore. In my head, you called my friends things that you had given me and insinuated that I couldn't live without you. But, mentally, I let the ghost know that I was over you, that I wouldn't let you into my life anymore, and that I was ready to move on. And I was… but letting go of you Alison was hard to do when you came back to Rosewood._

 _As you already know from Mona's tape, after Ali's disappearance, Mona helped me to lose weight, change my hair and clothes and to take Ali's place as "Queen Bee" at Rosewood High for a while. When you came back Ali, I realized that you had had such an effect on my life, that I never had my own identity because Mona essentially turned me into you. I became embittered and untrusting of you as a result. When we went to the funeral home to plan your mom's funeral, the director there mistook me for you and you remarked that how easy it was once to distinguish between us; again, making fun of my weight issues._

 _After your mom died and you returned to Rosewood High, I (well, my mom) let you stay over at my house since neither your dad nor Jason were around. I told you that I got that you were afraid since "A" had returned and that's why you were staying with me. You reminded me that I couldn't babysit you forever. You (finally) told me that you couldn't live in a world where you jumped every time the doorbell rang and asked me to not tell the others. I asked you what you were going to do this time and you said that you did not want to live like this but you couldn't stay in Rosewood while the psychopath was out there, and that you had made up your mind to leave. I agreed to help you escape. I confessed to Caleb that part of me wanted you out of town._

 _But you ended up staying. Then you had Noel Kahn break into my house because you needed someone who mattered, like my mom, to stop questioning your kidnapping story. You really freaked her out. When Emily asked you why Noel would help you, you told us that we needed to do that as Lieutenant Tanner was trying to find a fault in our (YOUR) story. Alison, you were like Kate. She already ruined my home life then she ruined my school life. You did the opposite by first ruining my school life THEN ruining my home life. My mom seemed to prefer you over me. She even let you sleep in my room. I felt like I was being invaded so I crashed at Caleb's (well, Toby's) cabin. And we drank together to ease the pain of our troubles._

 _At school in the music room that day, you apologized to me for your stunt. I told you that the stunts you pull affected other people as well and I yelled at you that all I wanted was to be left alone and I denied your offer to fix my relationship with Aria (look forward to that drama in another tape). I suggested you stay with somebody else and you said that our group was falling apart._

 _I'm just going to say it Ali, if I didn't know you, then I wouldn't know "A" and I might still be breathing._

 _This is the end of tape 4, side A. Flip the cassette over to find out if you're reason number 8._


	9. Tape 4, Side B

_Like Caleb, this next person doesn't really belong on this list but they're needed to tell my story._

 _Mom, you always wanted the best for me. You were willing to do everything to protect me and keep me safe, even if that meant sleeping with Detective Wilden, for example, to make sure the charges against me for shoplifting would be dropped. Because of the fact that dad left our family, it was hard for you to make ends meet financially. And for whatever reason, dad never paid child support. You tried to hide the extent of the problems from me. When you heard me tell Mona that I couldn't accompany her on a shopping spree, you cut in and firmly handed me a $100 bill – the only money in your wallet. I tried to help out by finding a job, but my job hunt only lead me to discover that you had unpaid loans and were in serious debt to the prospective employers. I then decided to sell some of my older accessories online to pitch in, but you told me to never sell my things again, as you could handle it. Eventually, you ended up taking the money of a dying old woman who had no relatives from her safe deposit box. And when Wilden was threatening me, you fought back. In a panic, you ran him over and drove off. But sadly, you didn't kill him. Someone else did though…_

 _But the point of this tape is that_ _you never know how what you do will affect someone else. And even the smallest of things can affect someone in a big way. For some of you in the next couple of tapes, you might think that what you did was nothing, that I shouldn't have been so sensitive and I shouldn't have killed myself over what you said or did. But remember The Snowball Effect? That process started from an initial state of small significance (my dad leaving) and that one thing built upon itself; I gained weight, got nicknamed "Hefty Hanna" and was bullied, got an eating disorder, was tortured by "A", had an identity crisis, a drinking problem, was sexually harassed (I'll get to that in the next tape), etc. So you see, your actions, no matter how small or (seemingly) insignificant can become larger and more serious, and in my case, dangerous to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and I took my own life._

 _So Mom, even though I love you and you were there when dad wasn't, you did something that may seem like not that big of a deal to you but it was to me; you let Alison live with us when I was going through an identity crisis because of her. Ali told you her kidnapping story and guess what? She was never kidnapped. That story was total bull shit and everyone bought it. And of course, you being you felt bad for her and told her to relax and take a hot bath with your bath salts. You were astounded that Ali had stayed so strong despite everything. You planned dinner, but I decided not to stick around. Not only to hang out with Caleb, but because I was pissed that you gave the bath salts to Ali when I had been asking for the longest time to use them. I avoided going home since Ali was staying over, and stayed out all night drinking with Caleb. One night you and Ali decided to go to dinner together since I planned to be absent again. Before you left, a man with a knife came in the house and left through the back door. You called the police. As mentioned earlier, Ali had Noel Kahn break into our house because she needed someone who mattered, like you Mom, to stop questioning her bull shit story that she made us all tell the police._

 _It really hurt that you didn't even question why I was avoiding Ali. Even if you thought we were just having a fight, you shouldn't have allowed her to stay at our house. Never mind, my bedroom. She could've stayed with someone else. But no. I had to share a room with a "friend" who bullied me and constantly reminded me that I never knew who the hell I was. And on top of that, you treated her like she was your own daughter. Did you even know the effect that Ali had on me? Apparently not. Well, now you know._

 _This is the end of tape 4, side B. Insert cassette 5 to find out if you're reason number 9._


	10. Tape 5, Side A

_A few days prior to my untimely demise, something happened that made my life fast-track to the finish line. One night, after hanging out and drinking with Caleb, I went to The Brew to get a tuna melt, after closing hours. But the next person on this list kindly asked me if I would like my sandwich to go. This is your tape, Zack… whatever your last name is. In case some of you don't know, Zack is my friend Aria's mom's fiancée. He owns The Brew and that night he closed up early to get ready for his engagement party that was happening the following day._

 _You gave me the heads up Zack and told me that you could smell me from less than a foot away, before questioning whether it was rum that you could smell. I said it was whiskey, and you commented that it was the rough stuff, "bad girl, huh? Always had a thing for the bad girls". Then you went on to say that that was the part where you were supposed to lecture me about drinking, but you were willing to keep it between us. You said that you could keep a secret and asked me if I could. Trying to change the subject, I asked you if Aria made the flowers, and you told me that she did. After giving me my sandwich, you placed a hand between my shoulder blades, and as I went to give you some money, you said that it was on you, before you trailed your hand down my back._

 _The next day, you knocked on my car window and got in, apologizing for scaring me. You said you saw me out there and thought that we could talk. I told you that I was actually just about to leave, and you asked me what my rush was, and that I should finish my meal. You clearly didn't take the hint. You went on to say that you weren't sure what my takeaway was from the day before, and when I told you I was sort of off (you know, because I was nearly drunk), you said that you weren't sure if I was feeling the same vibe as you, "I kind of think you were". Tearing off a piece of paper, you jotted down your number and passed it to me, telling me to hit you up. Resting your hand on my thigh, you gave it a squeeze, and then (finally) you opened the car door and headed back out into the rain. As soon as you left, I crumbled up that piece of paper and threw it away. But stupid me should've kept that as proof… Maybe if I would've kept that piece of paper, it would have shown the next three people on this list that I didn't misinterpret anything. I might've been on the brink of drunkenness but I know what happened. But no one seemed to believe me… except Caleb._

 _After I told Caleb why I wasn't going to the engagement party, he went to The Brew to confront you, Zack. Caleb asked if you hit on all of Aria's friends, or if it was just me. Guessing that Caleb was my boyfriend, you said that you respected him for coming by, but it was just a misunderstanding and that I took what you said way too seriously. As you said that you were just joking, Caleb said he didn't know, and that I have a pretty good sense of humor and I didn't find you funny at all. You mentioned that you thought I was embarrassed and you didn't want to have to do this, but you pulled a note from your pocket and handed it to Caleb. Grabbing it, Caleb unfolded the paper and after, you said that you were only reacting to the signals you were getting. Believing me without a second guess, Caleb told you that I didn't write the note. When you said that I slipped the note into your pocket, Caleb took a swing at your face._

 _After you sexually harassed me Zack, I started questioning if maybe my skirt was too short or maybe I was asking for it. But the only thing that victim shaming myself did was me almost adding my own name to the list of people who didn't believe me._

 _And one last thing Zack, how stupid could you be? Aria was my best friend. You were engaged to her mother. Did you really think that I wouldn't tell Aria that her soon-to-be step-dad made the moves on me? Apparently you thought so low of me that you believed I would want to hook-up with the guy who was marrying my best friend's mom._

 _This is the end of tape 5, side A. Flip the cassette over to find out if you're reason number 10._


	11. Tape 5, Side B

_The next three people on this list go hand in hand. They all did essentially the same thing. I'm going to sound extremely selfish right now but what they did was basically ignoring me and focusing on Alison. They were all so preoccupied with keeping Ali's kidnapping story straight that they didn't see the toll that Ali's return was having on me._

 _My friends knew that Ali treated me like shit on a daily basis prior to her disappearance. They also knew that I was drinking (and yelled at me when I did) but the one thing they didn't do was ask me WHY I was drinking. Obviously I was doing it for a reason. As my "best friends", you should've asked or tried to figure out what that reason was. And I find it funny that the only person who knew why I changed my clothes, hair and style when she came back to Rosewood, was Caleb. He never had even met Ali but he knew that I never liked who I was when I was around her. He had just gotten back from Ravenswood that day and one of the first things he said to me was: "Did you change your hair because Alison's back?" Caleb was gone for two months and my best friends were by my side nearly 24/7 but Caleb seemed to be the only one out of the four that knew something was up when he saw the dramatic changes in my appearance and behavior._

 _Another thing the three of you did was not believe me when I told you that Zack sexually harassed me. Instead of believing me no matter what, you all automatically assumed that I was buzzed when it happened and that I basically made it all up._

 _Although I said earlier that these tapes were in "chronological" order and not in order from who contributed less to my death to who contributed more to my death, BUT you next three are. Spencer Hastings, out of tapes 10, 11 and 12, you contributed to my death slightly less than the next two people. Congratulations._

 _This is the end of tape 5, side B. Insert cassette 6 to find out if you're reason number 11._


	12. Tape 6, Side A

_The only thing Spencer really did was not believe me when I told her that Zack hit on me. And like I've mentioned before, when you're on the end of your rope, the smallest of things can cut you down. But at least she tried to help with me with my drinking though… unlike these next two people. I think Spencer could relate to my drinking problem seeing as she had a similar problem with amphetamines. She visited Caleb and lectured him on his drinking problem and how he needed to stop supplying me with drinks as well. You told him Spence, that lately I've been making mistakes and with "A" back we couldn't have me drinking in the middle of the day and be "a loose cannon". Then you let it slip that I might have something against Zack which later prompted Caleb to ask me about him. So thank you for that because that further lead Caleb to punching that scumbag's face in. You then reminded Caleb that he was the best thing that had ever happened to me (which was 100% true) and it hurt you to see us destroy that by drinking._

 _One day at school, I was tired and hungover searching through my messy locker when Emily Fields and Spencer walked toward me. And yes, Emily, you're reason number 11. You asked me what was going on with me but then immediately proceeded to tell me to apologize to Aria for informing Sydney what's-her-face about us being in New York. I apologized to you for my "attitude" at dinner but you told me that I should apologize to Alison as well because I almost outed her in front of your mom about her bull shit kidnapping story. So much for caring about my well-being then…_

 _Why should I have apologized for anything though? All of this started because Alison was a terrible person who had done horrible things to people until she messed with the wrong person. Then she ran away and left her friends to pay for what she did and we were tormented for years! She literally ruined our lives. She came back to Rosewood when it was safe for her and when things got complicated again; she tried to run away like a coward at every chance she had to save her own ass, leaving the four of us to deal with all her crap. Now she wanted to control our lives again, and me – the only one calling her on her crap – is the one to be blamed? Were you guys stupid?_

 _And Emily, when you found out that Ali was running away, you questioned my motives behind helping her. You said a lot had changed with me since she (Ali) had been back but you didn't seem all that concerned about what was going on with me. You were more concerned about how what I was doing was going to affect Ali. But you didn't seem to realize that what Ali was doing was affecting me. You noticed my changes in appearance and behavior but didn't say anything about it. Your love for Ali blinded you from seeing what she was doing to me. I know Ali was hurting from returning to Rosewood and her mom dying and she needed you Em, but I needed you too._

 _The following day in school (after you and Spencer cornered me at my locker), I skipped language lab, but walked in hungover after class. I was so hungover that I had a crispy treat in my hair. I started complaining to you and Spencer about having Ali as a roommate and spilled about the weird moment I had with Zack (this was before the moment where he got in my car). Both of you were hesitant about my story, considering my current state and the fact that Aria's mom was about to marry Zack. When neither of you believed me, I left. I ditched school and went home to start making these tapes. But was it wrong for me to assume my best friends would automatically believe me when I told them something like that (me being sexually harassed)? I guess it was._

 _And that night when Ali told us that she had Noel break into my house because she needed my mom to stop questioning her kidnapping story, you left to go after Ali. My mom almost had a freaking heart attack because of Ali's stupid stunt but you took her side, as usual. I know you love her Em, but that doesn't mean you have to agree and approve of everything she does. When you went to leave that night, I wanted to go with you, to get away from Ali, but you denied. When your mom went to stay with your dad in Texas for like two weeks, my mom let you stay at my house (in my room) and you couldn't even let me stay at your house for one night? I needed to get away from Ali. None of you understood how her very presence was eating away at me._

 _After Ali left that night, I told the three of you that I felt like she had invaded my room and discreetly told you guys that I was drinking because of her. But did you do anything to stop it? No. Of course not. Before you left that night Em, you asked Spencer to make sure that I didn't "drink and dial". What a great friend._

 _This is the end of tape 6, side A. Flip the cassette over to find out if you're reason number 12._


	13. Tape 6, Side B

_Aria Montgomery, it should be obvious to you by now that you're reason number 12. I mean Spencer was 10 and Emily was 11… did you think you wouldn't be featured on this list after what you did and said to me?_

 _So immediately after Zack had gotten into my car and said that he wanted to hook up with me, I headed to Aria's, soaking wet, to tell her about what had just happened. I thought the best thing to do would be to tell you, Aria, seeing as he was going to be marrying your mom. Turns out that was a stupid idea. If I had known what would happen after I told you, I would've just kept it to myself._

 _I confessed that Zack wanted to hook up with me and you didn't go for it. "You're the problem, Hanna!" you screamed. "You're always the problem!" You didn't believe a word of my story because you just assumed that I was "trashed" when it happened. That shouldn't have even mattered. As my best friend, you were supposed to be comforting me, not blaming me._

 _You told me that if I wanted to self-destruct; then I should go right ahead and that you weren't going to let me bring your mom down too. I get that you were in denial and didn't want to believe that someone would hurt your mom again, but you went too far. You told me to self-destruct and that's what I did._

 _When someone you love tells you something, you kind of automatically think it's true. When you told me that I was always the problem, I started to realize that you were right; I was always the problem. If I had never ditched Mona to hang out with you, Emily and Spencer, then she wouldn't have become "A". She would have had a friend and she wouldn't have felt like you guys took me away from her. She wouldn't have felt so alone… like I did right before I made these tapes and took my own life._

 _It seemed like I was the only one who was strong enough (ironic coming from a dead girl, right?) to stop being Ali's little sidekick while the rest of you were protecting the lies Ali made just to save herself from admitting that she really was a bully._

 _I got shit when I was going through a tough time but when the rest of you were having your problems it was all hugs and "we're here for you, it'll be okay". Why didn't you ask me how I was feeling and why I was drinking so much? I needed help but your reactions just made it worse. I guess no one besides Ali mattered anymore. She couldn't break a nail without you guys panicking over her "safety"._

 _Maybe if you guys supported me just a little I wouldn't have had to go through all this stuff alone. I mean, our dead ''friend'' had just returned to town (who was still a bitch) and Caleb was back and you guys seemed like you didn't care at all. So what did you all expect when I killed myself?_

 _Aria, what you said and did to me was my breaking point. Suicide had been weighing heavily on my mind since Ali's return. But hearing you, my best friend, tell me to "go ahead and self-destruct" basically gave me the okay to do it… to end my life._

 _This is the end of tape 6, side B. Insert cassette 7 to find out who is lucky number 13._


	14. Tape 7, Side A

_I recorded 12 tapes. I started with my dad, because he was the beginning of my life's downward spiral. Then Kate. Who ruined my home life and reputation. Hey. Ken, Spencer, Emily, Aria, who each didn't believe me. On through Ali and Mona who broke my spirit. Through tape number 13, "A" who broke my soul._

 _You heard that right. Mona and "A" have two separate tapes. Yes Mona was "A", the_ _ **original**_ _"A". But after she went to Radley, there was another person torturing us. I vaguely mentioned_ _ **this**_ _"A" in other tapes but now they get a tape of their very own. And how fitting is it that both of "A's" tapes are on the A side of their cassettes? I did that intentionally._

 _But_ _ **this**_ _"A" probably won't ever hear these tapes. Scratch that. I'm sure he/she/it/bitch will. They're "A"; they're everywhere and nowhere at the same time. They seem to know my secrets before I do._

 _Spencer, Emily, Aria and I all thought it was the end of "A" when Mona was locked away in Radley. But no, of course not. That was too good to be true. Now we had another psychopath out to ruin our lives._

 _What I want to know is, is what the hell did the four (well, five of us now) do this time? What did we all do that was so bad that we deserve to be threatened, tortured and blackmailed on a daily basis? Haven't we been through enough? I know we're not saints but I think we deserve some happiness. Or at least a life where we're not scared to check our phones._

" _A", if you had a heart, maybe you would stop torturing my friends when I'm gone. Don't you want us all dead anyway? I saved you some trouble and killed myself for you. One less Liar to deal with, right? The only thing I regret about committing suicide is not having the chance to find out who you are. But maybe I'll find out who you are when I see you in Hell._

 _My dad replaced me with Kate and my mom replaced me with Ali so I don't think either of them will miss me when I'm gone. My friends didn't seem to care about me when I was alive so why would they care about me when I'm dead? But it's funny when you're dead how people start listening…_

 _I think I've made myself very clear but no one's coming forward to stop me. Some of you care. None of you cared enough. Neither did I. And I'm sorry. So it's the end of tape 13. There's nothing more to say._


	15. Waking Up

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: The parts in** _ **italics**_ **are Hanna's thoughts.**

Hanna wasn't really a religious person. Her mother was dating a Pastor but that was pretty much the closest she got to religion. When Hanna died, she thought that her soul would leave her body and she'd eventually wake up in either Heaven or Hell.

But when she opened her eyes, she didn't find herself at the gates of Heaven or the gates of Hell. Instead she found herself in an all too familiar room; Mona's old room at Radley; which, to Hanna, wasn't that far from being in actual Hell.

Hanna was confused. Didn't she slit her wrists and die? What happened? Hanna thought for a moment and found her answer… Caleb.

 _Caleb must've found me (unconscious) in the tub and called 911. Leave it to Caleb to be the one to save me. Well he shouldn't have. He should've watched me bleed to death. I didn't deserve Caleb. I ruined him. He probably hates me now anyway._

 _Fuck. If I'm here, that means I'm alive, which also means that everyone on my tapes is going to come after me… that is if they even listened to them. They're going to hate me even more and kill me themselves. Wait, that's essentially what they did anyway. Their words and actions are the reasons why I ended up here in Radley. If they literally kill me this time, so be it. I'm not going to put up a fight._

When Hanna first awoke, she was too lost in her own thoughts to notice the restraints on her limbs and waist. She was strapped to her bed like an animal. The only part of her body that she could move (relatively) freely was her head.

She tried to wiggle her hands free but she stopped almost as soon as she started when she felt pain.

 _Shit._ _My wrists._

Hanna looked down at her wrists and noticed that above the restraints, there was gauze wrapped around them. And now, thanks to her wiggling, small blood spots were starting to form.

 _Great. Now the scars from my wrists will be a permanent reminder that I failed at ending my own life. I'm so stupid, I can't even kill myself right._

Hanna didn't know what to do. She felt trapped, in more ways than one. She couldn't escape physically because of the restraints and she couldn't escape mentally because of the constant voices telling her that she should be dead and that she should try to kill herself again.

She wanted to scream but at the same time she also didn't want to draw attention to herself. She just wanted silence. Silence from the voices in her head and silence from the people she knew were going to come in her room and ask her a million questions. She just wanted to be left alone.

Hanna would rather have the voices in her head than actual visitors in her room though. She was too embarrassed to face anyone after she failed to kill herself. She was also embarrassed of her current situation, being strapped down to her bed and immobile. She didn't even know how she was going to go to the bathroom.

Hanna's thoughts were interrupted by a faint knock on her door. Instead of saying: "Come in". Hanna just kept quiet. It was in that moment when Hanna decided how she was going to spend the rest of her life; in silence, like she wanted. She knew she would have to face society again but she was going to do it her way this time. She wasn't going to talk to anyone anymore. Why bother talking when no one wants to or is going to listen?

Whoever was at the door probably assumed that Hanna was still unconscious so they opened the door as slowly and as quietly as they could. Hanna was going to pretend to be asleep so she didn't have to deal with whoever was on the other end of that door, but she decided not to. She wanted to see how her plan of not talking was going to work out. If she became mute, maybe everyone would just leave her alone and she could (finally) die in peace. Each time Hanna went to visit Mona in Radley, Mona just sat there still and almost lifeless. She had a glazed look in her eyes and had a stoic expression. Hanna was going to act the same way.

Radley was basically a prison but at least in this place she was free from "A" and free from everyone who basically put her in here. For once in Hanna's life, she actually felt safe. Sure she had bars on her windows, a lock on her door and she was strapped down to her bed but she knew "A" couldn't get to her. She didn't feel as paranoid anymore. She was (presumably) on suicide watch so she knew she was probably being intensively monitored. But this time, she was being watched by doctors and not by a creepy psychopath stalker. The doctors were trying to help her, not kill her. At least that's what Hanna assumed.

Hanna was curious as to who her visitor might be. Her first guess would have been her mom, definitely not her dad. Her second guess would have been Caleb. But Hanna was wrong. Her visitor was her former shrink Dr. Sullivan.

She would've never admitted this to her mom, but Hanna actually enjoyed the one-on-one sessions she had with Dr. Sullivan, back in the days when Ali was "dead". She knew Dr. Sullivan was getting paid to do it, but Hanna felt like she actually had someone listening to her for once. So in a way, seeing her former shrink at her door, made Hanna a bit relieved. But if she would've known what Dr. Sullivan was going to have her do, she would've pretended to be asleep when she had the chance.


	16. Staying Silent

Dr. Sullivan didn't expect Hanna to be awake when she entered her room. Hanna was sitting up, as best she could in the restraints, and she had a faraway look on her face. Dr. Sullivan wasn't sure that Hanna even knew she was in the room with her.

The therapist also noticed that the young girl was repeatedly making fists with her hands. It was then that Dr. Sullivan noticed that Hanna must've ripped her stitches because she saw blood on the gauze that was wrapped around her wrists. Whether ripping her stitches was intentional or not, the doctor couldn't bring herself to ask.

She knew she had to approach Hanna carefully. After all, the girl did just try to commit suicide. She clearly wasn't in the right state of mind. But before she called Eddie in to attend to Hanna's wounds, she wanted to let Hanna know that she was safe and that she was in good hands. She needed Hanna to trust her. She needed Hanna to trust somebody. If Dr. Sullivan couldn't get Hanna to trust her, she didn't know how she was going to help her.

After closing Hanna's door, the doctor slowly made her way over to Hanna's bed and took a seat on the wheelie stool that was beside it.

"Hi, Hanna," Dr. Sullivan said softly. "Do you remember me?" It probably was a stupid question seeing as Hanna didn't have a head injury but Dr. Sullivan wanted to ask just to make sure. She didn't know what was going on inside Hanna's head. She might not even remember who she is for all she knows; let alone her former shrink who she hasn't seen in almost a year.

Hanna didn't turn to face the doctor nor did she answer her question; she just kept staring off into space.

"That's okay, Hanna. You don't have to talk to me. But I'm going to talk to you, if that's alright? If not, just shake your head 'no' if you want me to leave," Dr. Sullivan said gently.

When Hanna didn't respond again, Dr. Sullivan didn't sigh in frustration like most people would. Instead, she was optimistic; at least Hanna didn't want her to leave. That was a start.

"Hanna, I know you're probably having some discomfort right now but those restraints are there so you don't hurt yourself… or others. But it looks like you have ripped out some of your stitches," the doctor said sadly as she looked over at Hanna's wrists. Usually the cuffs of the restraints are wrapped around the patient's wrists but seeing as Hanna's wrists were injured; the cuffs were wrapped around her lower forearms to prevent more injury. "That's alright. We can fix that up for you," she said more cheerfully. Hanna still didn't respond.

"I know you're scared and confused, Hanna. And you might feel ashamed about what happened. But I want you to know that I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to help you and I'm here to listen," Dr. Sullivan paused and then proceeded to speak cautiously. "Hanna, I have listened to the tapes." Even that didn't get a reaction out of Hanna. "Don't worry though; I am the only outsider who has heard them. No one else will be listening to those tapes. I've mentioned this to you because I have an idea; a way to help you and the people on those tapes. I want you to have a one-on-one session with each person on that list. I know those tapes were a way for you to vent and to let out your frustrations. Now that each person has heard how they affected your life, it's your turn now to hear what they have to say in response. They may apologize or they may get upset. The point is you won't know how they're going to react unless we do these one-on-one sessions. It's obvious that you need to heal from all of this, mentally and physically, but the people on those tapes, whether they're innocent or not in all of this, need to heal too. Those tapes may have affected them in ways in which you might not understand. Working out your issues with those people would be beneficial to you and to them. It's a win-win situation," finished Dr. Sullivan.

She paused again to see if Hanna was listening and/or even paying attention. She couldn't tell. Hanna could've ignored or disregarded everything she just said or she could've pretended to ignore it and she actually heard everything. Dr. Sullivan was hoping it was the latter.

"So, what do you say, Hanna? Does that sound like a plan?" Dr. Sullivan asked enthusiastically as she stood up from the stool.

When she got no response (again), the doctor added: "I'll set up your first session for tomorrow afternoon. But before I do that, I'll go get Eddie to fix up your stitches," she said as she made her way toward the door.

"Have a good night, Hanna and I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well. You deserve it. Bye," said the doctor as she left the room and closed the door.

Hanna was left alone with her thoughts.

 _Dr. Sullivan listened to the tapes? How did she even get them? Who gave them to her? Shit. I think I talked about her on the tapes. I don't remember if I said anything bad about her or not. If I did, she'll probably give me electroshock therapy._

 _I don't want to face anyone from that list. Dr. Sullivan was bad enough and she didn't even have her own tape. I can't even imagine what would happen if I had to face all thirteen people. Well, twelve people. I doubt "A" would show up._

 _Then again, I could just tell Dr. Sullivan I don't want to do that. She did ask me if it "sounded like a plan" which I translated to mean that I could refuse if I wanted to. It wasn't state ordered or whatever the technical term is for stuff like that._

 _But what about my plan to stay silent? I mean I could still stay silent and communicate non-verbally with nods and stuff but I kind of like not having to answer to anyone anymore. It's refreshing and it feels empowering._

 _Maybe I should just see how this first session goes? If I don't like it, I can refuse to continue. But what if I do like it? What if it does help me or the other person? I guess I won't know until tomorrow…_


	17. Voices

Hanna was hoping that the next time she woke up; she would be lying on the couch in Spencer's barn, the night Ali went missing. That way, everything that happened to her after that infamous night was just one big nightmare.

But unfortunately for Hanna, that wasn't the case. She woke up the same way she did yesterday; restrained. She finally figured out how she was going to go to the bathroom though; she had a urinary catheter. She noticed the drainage bag on the side of her bed yesterday when Eddie changed her gauze. She couldn't even feel the catheter inside her.

She remembered Eddie from when she visited Mona and Spencer at Radley. He was a pretty cool guy. He didn't really say much to Hanna though. Not that Hanna was complaining. When he made visits to her room, he was usually out within 10 minutes.

The only people who came into Hanna's room were Eddie and Dr. Sullivan. Nobody else had visited her. Hanna just assumed that was Dr. Sullivan's doing. She probably didn't want Hanna having visitors until after she had her sessions with the people on her tapes.

There was a knock on her door. Like yesterday, Hanna didn't bother to say anything. The person waited a few seconds and then entered.

It was Eddie again. But this time, he wasn't alone; Dr. Wren Kingston was with him. Wren was pushing a tray table with a meal on it which Hanna presumed to be her breakfast or lunch. She had no idea what time it was but thanks to the small barred window in her room, she knew it wasn't night time. Hanna wondered if they were going to remove her restraints so that she could eat on her own.

She then noticed that Eddie was pushing a wheelchair and what looked to be a strait jacket, was placed on the seat of it.

 _Oh god. They're going to put me in a strait jacket. Relax, Hanna. They're not putting you in a strait jacket because you're crazy; they're putting you in it so you don't try to hurt yourself again._

 _ **You are crazy.**_ _ **Why else would you be in Radley? It's a looney bin. That's where all the looney toons go. And you're one of them.**_

 _Shut up. I'm not crazy. I'm only here so they can watch me like a hawk._

 _ **No, you're here because you failed at killing yourself. You couldn't even do that right. Any sane person would've gotten the job done right the first time.**_

 _I would've gotten it right the first time if it weren't for Caleb._

 _ **You didn't cut deep enough the first time. You should try again.**_

 _Leave me alone!_

Wren and Eddie could tell that something was going on inside Hanna's head after they saw her shaking it side to side, repeatedly with her eyes closed. It looked like she was having an internal argument with herself.

"Voices?" Eddie whispered to Wren.

Wren nodded. "I'm going to get her a prescription for Alibify. Give her the Effexor and the anti-biotics for now. I'll be right back," he said as he wheeled the table over Hanna's bed.

"Hurry back so I don't have to put her in this by myself," Eddie said, indicating the strait jacket on the seat of the wheelchair.

Wren nodded again and then headed out of the room.

Eddie slowly made his way towards Hanna, who was still shaking her head with her eyes closed. She didn't seem to know that he was even in the room. He didn't want to startle her but she needed to eat and she needed to take her medication so he gently placed his right hand on her left shoulder and shook her.

"Hanna, it's time for lunch. You slept through breakfast," he said calmly.

Hanna then came to her senses and acknowledged his presence. While Hanna stared in curiosity, Eddie placed a pill cup in front of her.

"I don't want to scare you, Hanna but you have medication you need to take. I'm required by law to tell you what we're giving you. So you see these little pills? These are called Effexor and they're going to help you to not feel sad anymore," he said, sugarcoating the anti-depressant medication. "And these are just antibiotics to help your wrists heal so you don't get an infection. You actually have a third medication that Dr. Kingston…I believe you know him? ...went to go get. That medication is called Alibify and that works with the Effexor," he explained without actually telling her that that it was an anti-psychotic medication.

 _Great. Now I have to take anti-depressants and probably anti-psychotics. I guess I'm officially crazy now. Maybe those pills will make that voice go away though? The voice telling me to kill myself again. I can't put my finger on it but I know I've heard that voice from somewhere before…_

"But before you take these pills; you need to get food in your stomach. I don't know if you know this, probably not, but you have been here three days since your incident. If you're wondering how you ate while you were unconscious, we force fed you through a feeding tube. We couldn't have you starving on us. Anyway Hanna, I know you're just…" Eddie paused, not wanting to use the word "dying" in a situation like Hanna's. "…anxious for me to undo those restraints, aren't you?" he asked with a smile.

Hanna just stared at him with a glazed look.

 _Three days? I was unconscious for that long? And they force fed me? Glad I wasn't awake for that. At least they have the decency to let me feed myself now that I'm conscious._

"Now Hanna, you have to cooperate with me. When I take them off, you have to promise me that you won't do anything except eat your meal. Remember, eating on your own is a privilege, not a right," he said as he began to undo Hanna's wrist/forearm restraints.

After undoing her restraints, Eddie began to remove the plastic wrapping off of Hanna's cup of water. He removed the tray top and placed it on the tray table. He moved the table closer to Hanna and then proceeded to help her sit up.

She didn't say or do anything.

 _To be honest, I'm only cooperating because I'm starving. Plus if I behave, maybe they won't have to put me in that strait jacket later._

The food was surprisingly good. She had a cup of chicken noodle soup, a grilled cheese sandwich and some French fries. And for dessert, she had some rainbow sherbet. While she stuffed her face, Eddie just watched her from the wheelie stool. He smiled when she finished.

"Great job, Hanna! I guess you were hungry," he chuckled. "Now it's time for the fun part; your medication."

As soon as he said "medication", Wren walked back into the room.

"Hello Hanna," he said in his charming British accent. Hanna inadvertently gave him a small smile. She always had a soft spot for Wren. He smiled back and walked over to her. Another pill cup was placed on the tray in front of her.

"Good timing, Dr. Kingston.," I was just about to give her her other medication", Eddie said as he stood up from the stool.

"While you do that, I think I'll redress her wrists," Wren replied as he pulled out some supplies from his lab coat.

"Can you open your mouth for me please, Hanna?" Eddie asked nicely.

Hanna complied. After each pill she took (six in all), Eddie had to look in her mouth to see if she did indeed swallowed them... because it's common for patients to hide their pills in their mouths, spit them out when the doctor leaves then hoard them and/or sell them later. As Hanna took her pills, Wren cleaned her stitches and re-wrapped the gauze around them. Hanna didn't even want to see what her wrists looked like so she averted her eyes.

"Great job Hanna," congratulated Wren. "It's time now for your session with Dr. Sullivan, so we're going to undo the rest of you restraints. I'm sorry to tell you this, but we have to put you in a strait jacket. It's so you don't hurt yourself, Dr. Sullivan or your visitor."

 _What the fuck?! I thought that if I did what they asked me to without freaking out; they wouldn't put me in the strait jacket. What do I do now? Obviously behaving didn't help in my favor. Maybe if I act up, then I won't have to go to my session with Dr. Sullivan. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I think I'll roll with that._

As soon as Wren undid the rest of her restraints, Hanna started thrashing around and grabbed the knife that was on her tray.

 _ **Do it. Do it now. Kill them both and then yourself. It'll make you feel powerful for once.**_

Before she could do any harm, to herself or to Wren or Eddie, Eddie injected a syringe into her left arm.

 _Shit. I didn't even think of the possibility that they would sedate me._

Hanna's eyelids began to get heavy and before she knew it, everything went black.


	18. Ken

When Hanna came to, she found herself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling; she wasn't in her room. She was lying on a black loveseat and found that she couldn't sit up because she was in a strait jacket. The strait jacket was a name brand one called a Posey strait jacket. It featured four back straps, an arm loop, a crotch strap, arm straps and self-tightening clasps. A Posey strait jacket is considered to be the most difficult commercially available strait jacket to escape from.

"Good afternoon, Hanna," came the sound of Dr. Sullivan's voice. "I see you had some trouble back in your room earlier… do you not want to do these sessions? You're not mandated to do them but like I said yesterday, I think it'll be beneficial for you and the other people involved. Let me know now if you don't want to do them because your first visitor should be here momentarily," she said sweetly.

Hanna didn't do anything except turn her head to the right to face Dr. Sullivan and then proceeded to try to sit back up again. Dr. Sullivan got the hint and stood up from her chair to help Hanna out. Hanna noticed that she no longer had the drainage bag attached to her. She didn't know it, but when she was knocked out, the doctors switched out her catheter for an intermittent one that way she didn't need to transport the drainage bag with her when she went to her sessions with Dr. Sullivan.

Hanna was now sitting upright and her whole body was facing Dr. Sullivan, who had now sat back down in her chair. There was a faint knock on the door.

"Come in!" said Dr. Sullivan. "Good timing, your first visitor is here."

 _Oh god. Why can't I just come out and tell her that I don't want to do this? I know I said I wanted to say silent for the rest of my life but I'm not too sure how that's working out for me thus far. If I would have just said "no" to her or shook my head, then I wouldn't be in this situation right now. And this strait jacket isn't helping either but I doubt me talking would've gotten me out of wearing it… literally. I wonder who my first visitor is though. Is she going in order of the tapes? If so, that means my dad should be on the other side of that door…_

The visitor came into the room and their eyes immediately locked with Hanna's.

 _I was wrong. It wasn't my dad on the other side of that door; it was Ali's dad. Out of all the people on my tapes, why would he be the first to visit me over my parents or Caleb? I don't get the logic in that._

While Hanna averted her eyes down to her lap, Mr. DiLaurentis kept his gaze until he sat down in the chair next to Dr. Sullivan.

"Thank you for coming Mr. DiLaurentis," Dr. Sullivan said gratefully.

"You can call me Ken. And of course. I want to help," he said looking back at Hanna. When Ken first listened to his tape, he was mad at Hanna and thought that she overreacted to what he had said to her. That was because the only tape he listened to in full was his own. He glossed over the other ones until he got to his. So he didn't hear her whole story. He didn't feel right listening to what his daughter's friend had to say about him, he felt like he was basically listening to her diary. He realized that although he didn't really know Hanna all that much, what he said and did still affected her in a big way and he felt extremely guilty about it. He thought he'd come here and apologize. That was the least he could do. Maybe apologizing to Hanna would get that enormous weight off of his chest and could slightly ease her pain and suffering.

"Hi, Hanna," he said softly. "Dr. Sullivan asked me to come here today to talk about the tape you made about me. And I just want to say that I'm sorry. You were right; I did hate you. But that was wrong of me. I should've known that you were going through a tough time too when my daughter went missing and that you wanted to believe she was alive just as much as my wife and I did. And if I'm being honest, you were always a great friend to my daughter because you were always so loyal. I know Ali was a handful but you stuck by her no matter what. I was only mad at you because you gave my family false hope. But you were right all along; my daughter was alive. And I never did apologize to you after she came back to Rosewood. Maybe if I'd apologized sooner than later, then you wouldn't be in this place and I wouldn't be visiting you here today. I guess you never really know how what you say will affect someone else. Again, I apologize."

"Do you have any questions you want to ask Hanna or anything else you want to say to her, Ken?" asked Dr. Sullivan.

"I don't have any questions but I would like to say that I'm glad your boyfriend saved you Hanna. And I hope you have a smooth and full recovery," he said sincerely.

"Hanna, is there anything else you want to say to Mr. DiLaurentis? Do you have any questions for him?"

Hanna's eyes remained focused on her lap. "Hanna, if you don't want to talk, that's fine. But maybe you could say what's on your mind by writing it down? I can remove the strait jacket… I mean you deserve to express your thoughts and your visitors deserve to know how their visit affected you, if it did at all," Dr. Sullivan said courtly.

At that, Hanna lifted her head and turned to face Mr. DiLaurentis. Instead of talking or writing what she wanted to say down on the notepad on the table in front of her, Hanna gave Ali's dad a small smile; silently telling him that she forgives him and that's she grateful he took the time to come in and talk to her. Ken smiled back and proceeded to stand up from his chair.

"I guess that means we're done here?" he asked the doctor as he made his way back to the door.

"I guess so," Dr. Sullivan said as she followed him; leaving Hanna behind on the loveseat.

"Thank you for coming in, Ken. Your presence has already made a positive influence on Hanna; she smiled at you. She hasn't so much said a word since she got here and she doesn't even communicate with us non-verbally, like nodding and stuff," Dr. Sullivan said quietly so Hanna wouldn't hear. She paused. "Are you aware that your daughter will also be having a one-on-one session with Hanna?"

"Yes, I'm aware. I'm not too surprised. Ali made enemies with practically everyone, including her own friends," answered Ken in a whisper.

Dr. Sullivan nodded in understanding. "So thank you again and I hope you have a good rest of the day."

"Thanks, you too. I'm really glad I did this. I feel so much better now that I got that off of my chest. Please take care of her, she looks so broken," he added.

"I'm going to fix her so don't you worry about that."

"Okay. Well bye, Hanna. It was nice seeing you again. I wish you the best," he said more loudly. "And thank you for this opportunity Dr. Sullivan."

"No problem, Ken. I'll see you around" replied Dr. Sullivan as he left.

 _Yay! One session down, at least 12 more to go. That wasn't so bad. Plus it only took like 10 minutes. Ali's dad probably only said all that stuff though because Dr. Sullivan told him too or because he felt guilty. But then again, he looked genuinely concerned about me… Maybe Dr. Sullivan didn't tell him what to say to make me feel better? I would never tell Dr. Sullivan (or anyone for that matter) this but Mr. DiLaurentis coming here and talking to me actually did help a little. I feel like a little weight has been taken off my shoulders. I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow's session now. If Dr. Sullivan isn't going in order of the tapes, then who will be my next visitor?_


	19. Zack

The hours before Hanna's second session with Dr. Sullivan were practically the same as her hours before the first one. She ate supper, went to bed, woke up, ate breakfast, took her pills, took a nap, ate lunch and was placed back into the strait jacket. She wasn't sedated this time but she didn't put up a fight. What was the point? They were going to put her in it regardless if she acted up or not.

After Eddie and Wren placed her in the strait jacket, they hoisted her into the wheelchair. Wren then wheeled her down to Dr. Sullivan's office while Eddie went elsewhere. On the short trip there, Hanna got her first glimpse (she didn't see anyone on her way back to her room yesterday) at the other prisoners… err… patients at Radley. None of them really looked crazy. Well, except for the one girl she presumed to be the patient she overheard some doctors talking about last night… Big Rhonda. According to them, the girl was unkempt, disruptive and unsettling. Hanna didn't know how long she was going to be staying at Radley but if she was going to make friends with any of the other patients, Big Rhonda wasn't going to be one of them. Hanna wondered if she'd ever see her real friends again; Spencer, Emily, Aria, Ali and Mona. She knew she was going to see them during her sessions but she wondered if she was ever **really** going to see them again, preferably not while she was wearing a strait jacket and outside of Radley.

Hanna also wondered why she was never allowed outside of her room other than for her sessions with Dr. Sullivan. When Mona was in Radley, she got to go to the common room and play board games and interact with the other patients. Hanna didn't get to do any of that. Other than Wren, Eddie and Dr. Sullivan, the only other person she had interacted with since her five days of being at Radley so far was Mr. DiLaurentis.

 _How is that fair? Mona nearly killed me and my friends and she gets to have fun time and social interaction? Meanwhile, all I did was slit my wrists and I get totally isolated from everyone and everything._

Hanna arrived at her destination. Wren helped her stand up out of the wheelchair and walked her over to the loveseat. Dr. Sullivan was in the room but she was on the phone with someone and didn't acknowledge Hanna's arrival just yet. Wren left while Hanna waited for Dr. Sullivan to get off the phone. She knew it must've been a business call and not a personal one because Dr. Sullivan was talking on the phone on her desk and not on her cell phone. After a few minutes, Dr. Sullivan hung up the phone, walked over to Hanna and sat down on the same chair she sat in yesterday.

"Sorry about that Hanna. But it looks like there's one less person on your list that you'll be having a one-on-one session with. You may or may not be relieved to hear that but I bet your wondering who that person was?" she asked.

Hanna looked up from her lap and slightly nodded.

Dr. Sullivan was thrilled to see some progress with Hanna's communication so she smiled back at her. "You were supposed to be talking with Zack today. But it turns out that after listening to your tapes, your friend Aria decided to tell her mom what happened between you and him. Apparently something similar happened while he and Ms. Montgomery were in Austria and she brushed it off as pre-wedding jitters," she paused. "Aria's mom was heartbroken and broke off the engagement and as a result, Zack moved to Austria, permanently. That was him on the phone. He told me that he listened to your tapes. He's sorry and embarrassed for what he did. Not just for you, but for Aria and her mom too. He said that you were right in calling him stupid and that he deserved to be punched in the face by your boyfriend," Dr. Sullivan chuckled. "He also apologized for not being able to be here in person but he told me everything he would've told you if he were here right now."

"Did you have anything you wanted to ask him or tell him, Hanna? If so I can call him back. Or if you'd like, I can see if I can Skype him. Would that help you or was what I told you he told me on the phone enough?" she asked sincerely.

Hanna didn't know how to answer Dr. Sullivan's many questions so she just shook her head feverishly.

"No, you don't have anything you want to ask or tell him?"

Hanna nodded.

"Okay. Was what I told you he said helpful then?" asked Dr. Sullivan gently.

Hanna nodded again.

"That's good Hanna. I'm glad you're communicating with me and that these sessions are helping you. Do you want to continue this session with just you and me or do you want to go back to your room?"

Hanna gave her a puzzled look.

"You only like answering 'yes' or 'no' questions, don't you?" Dr. Sullivan asked jokingly.

Hanna smiled in response.

"Would you like to continue this session?" repeated Dr. Sullivan.

Hanna shook her head 'no'.

"Okay, then. I'll have Dr. Kingston come and bring you back to your room," she said as she went over to page him. Hanna frowned. She didn't want to continue the session but she didn't want to go back to her room either. What she really wanted was to go to the common room and watch TV or something because being in her room for so long made her feel bored and lonely.

Within a minute, Wren was back in the therapist's office and helping Hanna get back into the wheelchair. As they approached the common room, Hanna tried to point to tell him that she wanted to go in there but she realized she couldn't because of the strait jacket. Instead, she began rocking side to side in the wheelchair to get his attention.

Wren stopped pushing her and asked her what was wrong. Hanna didn't answer but she did stop rocking. Lucky for Hanna, they stopped right in front of the door to the common room. Hanna looked back at Wren and then nodded her head in the direction of the common room.

"You want to go in the common room, Hanna? Is that all?" he chuckled. "Why didn't you just say something?" he said as he went to unlock the door and wheel her into the room.

Hanna had the entire room to herself as no one else was in there except her and Wren.

"Would you like to watch some TV, Hanna?" he asked kindly.

Hanna nodded so Wren pushed her in front of the TV while he grabbed the remote and took a seat on the couch. He wasn't supposed to leave Hanna alone because she was on suicide watch.

When he turned the TV on, _Keeping Up with the Kardashians_ was on. He turned to Hanna to see if she wanted to watch that.

Hanna nodded and smiled in approval. Wren smiled back and then rolled his eyes when Hanna wasn't looking. He wasn't happy that he had to spend however long watching the _Kardashians_ but if it made Hanna happy than he was happy. All that mattered to him was seeing that beautiful smile on Hanna's face again.


	20. Kate

_I never want to be old. I don't mean that like I want to kill myself (again). I just don't want to go through the things that people go through when they're old like Dementia/Alzheimer's, graying of hair/hair loss, dentures, incontinence and probably the worst; sponge/bed baths._

After Hanna's R&R and after she ate supper last night, Eddie had to give her a bath in bed. It was the most awkward and embarrassing thing that she had ever gone through.

 _Why couldn't he have sedated me then? And why couldn't Wren have done it? It wouldn't have been as bad with him. Nothing against Eddie but Wren would've made everything about last night 10x less awkward._

When Eddie entered her room last night, he brought all the supplies he needed to Hanna's bedside. He then raised the bed to a comfortable height to prevent straining of his back. Hanna didn't know what the hell he was about to do so Eddie explained that he was about to give her a bed bath. After he undid her restraints, he gave Hanna a look that said "you better not try anything". And she didn't. She just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. And if Hanna was being honest with herself, she was disgusting. Just yesterday she said to herself that she didn't want to be friends with Big Rhonda because she was unkempt, and now who was Hanna to talk? She couldn't even remember the last time she took a bath or a shower. The last time she got into a tub was to slit her wrists. But Hanna tried not to think about that as Eddie bathed her. She tried not to think of anything. She kind of wished that that voice in her head was back so she'd at least have something to distract her from what was being done to her body. But ever since she started talking those pills that Wren gave her the other day that voice hadn't made its appearance.

Eddie made sure that he uncovered only the area of the body he was washing. This kept Hanna from getting too cold and it also provided privacy. While Hanna was lying on her back, Eddie began by washing her head and moved towards her feet. Then, he rolled her to one side and washed her back.

To wash her skin, Eddie first wet it, and then gently applied a small amount of soap. He checked with Hanna to make sure that he wasn't rubbing too hard but of course Hanna didn't answer him. He made sure that he rinsed all the soap off then patted the area dry and applied lotion before covering the area up.

He brought fresh, warm water to Hanna's bedside with a clean washcloth to wash her private areas. And that was when Hanna wanted her restraints back on. She wanted the strait jacket. She felt so exposed and violated. She wanted anything to cover herself up. She knew Eddie was just doing his job and that it must've been awkward for him too but she didn't want to see him again after last night. She couldn't look at him the same way.

Hanna had her eyes closed during the entire process but she closed them ever harder, if possible, during that particular moment. Eddie first washed her genitals, and then moved toward her buttocks, washing from front to back. Hanna wanted (and desperately) needed to be shaved but Eddie didn't bring shaving supplies with him; probably because a razor blade is what landed Hanna at Radley in the first place.

After what felt like an eternity, but was really only 20 minutes, Eddie was done and Hanna was clean. Neither Hanna nor Eddie said anything after. Eddie knew Hanna was embarrassed so he didn't want to make it worse by talking to her like he didn't just violate her.

Hanna didn't see Eddie at all the following day. He probably understood what was going through her mind and just wanted to give her some space. When Wren came into Hanna's room the morning after, he didn't mention anything about Eddie and/or her bath. He just gave her her breakfast, watched her swallow her pills and asked her if she wanted to watch TV after her session with Dr. Sullivan later, which of course Hanna nodded her head 'yes' to.

Hanna decided to take a nap after she had breakfast since she had a tough time falling asleep after her bath last night. But before she knew it, Wren was waking her up so she could eat her lunch.

After she ate, Wren (by himself this time) got Hanna into her strait jacket and into her wheelchair. On the way to Dr. Sullivan's office, they ran into Big Rhonda; literally. She ran out of her room and bumped into Wren.

"Sorry, Dr. Kingston," she said with false sincerity. She then noticed Hanna. "Oh, is this the girl who tried to off herself but failed miserably?" she asked nonchalantly.

Wren cringed and Hanna started to cry. Wren ignored Rhonda's question and simply said: "Rhonda, this is Hanna. Please be me more sensitive to her while she's here. She's been through a lot."

And without waiting for her response, Wren continued to wheel Hanna to Dr. Sullivan's office. He stopped in front of the door and crouched down on Hanna's right side.

"Hanna, I'm sorry you had to hear that. That was Rhonda; she's got IED so she can't help to be impulsive," he said softly as he used his thumb to rub away Hanna's falling tears.

That only made Hanna cry more.

"Do you not want to go to your session, Hanna? I can tell Dr. Sullivan to reschedule if you're not feeling up to it," he asked gently.

 _I just want to get these sessions over with as soon as possible._ _Plus Big Rhonda's probably still in the hallway and I don't want to run into her (literally) again so soon._

Hanna shook her head 'no'.

"'No', you don't want to go to your session?" he asked again.

Hanna shook her head again.

"So you do want to go to your session?" asked a surprised Wren.

Hanna shook her head 'yes'.

"Okay, Hanna. If that's what you want," he said as he stood up from his position near her to knock on the door.

"Come in!" came the sound of Dr. Sullivan.

Wren opened the door and Hanna was startled to see that Dr. Sullivan wasn't alone in her office; Hanna's visitor was there before her and it didn't surprise Hanna one bit seeing as to who that visitor was; Kate.

 _Of course Ms. Perfect would be early to our session. It's not like I expected anything less from her though._

As soon as Kate saw Hanna, she got up from the chair that she was sitting in, ran over to Hanna and threw her arms around her in a hug. Hanna was taken aback. Kate never showed her this much compassion, or any for that matter, before. She was even crying now. More than Hanna was in the hallway just a moment ago.

 _Why the hell is she crying? I'm the one in the mental hospital. She's probably happy I'm in here so she can have my dad entirely to herself now._

"Oh, Hanna! I'm so sorry!" she said hysterically, breaking the hug.

Wren took that opportunity to bring Hanna over to the loveseat; meanwhile Kate calmed down a bit and took her seat back in the chair she was previously sitting in and Wren left the room.

 _She's actually feels guilty? Oh, this session is going to be good._

"Hanna, I'm sorry about the dress and I'm sorry about the picture! I didn't mean for you to (almost) kill yourself! I was just so happy that I finally had a dad who cared about me and I didn't want to share that attention with anyone else. I didn't even know Tom was only paying for my college! I was so selfish and I didn't realize how it was affecting you. I didn't know about all the other things going on in your life and I'm sorry I just made things worse for you! My mom said she's sorry too for the way she's treated you. She didn't listen to or know about the tapes but she knows what happened to you and she feels really bad. I do too. I can't believe I almost cost you your life! I'm your step-sister; we're family! I should've treated you better! You might not even be at this place if it weren't for me!" yelled Kate, overemotionally.

Dr. Sullivan tried to calm her down while Hanna just stared at her in shock.

 _I have never seen Kate cry before. I don't even think I've seen her laugh. And now she's having a breakdown because of me? This sounds messed up, but I'm happy about that. I mean she apologized for what she did to me but seeing what my tapes did to her was not my intentions. I guess when I made those tapes, I didn't really think about how what I said would affect the people on them. I just assumed they wouldn't listen to the tapes or if they did, they wouldn't care about what I said. I guess Dr. Sullivan was right about these sessions; they'll be beneficial for me and for the other people involved. "Your visitors deserve to know how their visit affected you, if it did at all." I want to show Kate that I'm grateful for her coming here and I'm sorry for what my tapes did to her but I want to do more than what I did with Ali's dad, which was giving him a (small) smile._

Hanna stood up from the loveseat and walked/wobbled over to Kate. Since her arms were in the strait jacket, she couldn't exactly give her a hug like she intended to. Instead she smiled and Kate got that hint as to what Hanna wanted. Kate stood up and wrapped her arms around her step-sister. Both girls shed silent tears.

Kate pulled away and then looked Hanna dead in the eyes. "Do you forgive me, Hanna?" she asked nervously, afraid Hanna would say 'no'.

Hanna nodded and then looked down in shame.

"Hanna, you don't have to feel bad about what you said about me on that tape. You were 100% right. I'm just sorry that it took for you to make a tape about me to understand what I was doing to you. Do you think we could be friends… err… sisters now?" she asked sincerely.

Hanna looked up at her and smiled. Kate smiled back. "Good. I'm glad."

"Hanna, do you have anything you want to say or ask Kate while she's still here?" asked Dr. Sullivan.

Hanna shook her head. "Kate, do you have any questions you want to ask Hanna?"

"No. I don't. But I would like to thank you Dr. Sullivan for inviting me down here to talk to Hanna. I think this session really helped fix our relationship," replied Kate as she kept her attention on her step-sister.

"And Hanna, I wish you the best. And don't worry; you'll be out of this place before you know it. And once you're free, I'm going to take you on a girls' day out. We can go shopping, see a movie, grab lunch, do anything you want to do, my treat. How's that sound?"

Hanna gave her a big smile. Kate smiled back and leaned in to give Hanna another hug. "Bye, Hanna. I love you and I'll see you soon," she said as she turned to leave the room. "And, by Dr. Sullivan!" she said as she entered the doorway.

"Bye Kate. Thanks for stopping by," replied Dr. Sullivan, even though Kate had already left.

Hanna was so glad she told Wren that she wanted to go to this session. Hanna felt so much better than she did 15 minutes ago when she bumped into Big Rhonda. She was also glad that Kate's visit didn't just affect Hanna in a positive way, it affected Kate too. When Dr. Sullivan first told Hanna about the idea of her having one-on-one sessions with the people on her tapes, Hanna thought Dr. Sullivan was the crazy one. But now, seeing the results of each visit she had (so far), Hanna couldn't wait to see what would happen next and she no longer wanted to get the sessions over with as soon as possible.


	21. Mona

_Same old stuff, but a different day. That's basically my life now. The only unpredictable thing about my life right now is me not knowing which person from my tapes will be visiting me each day. I find it funny how I used to dread my one-on-one sessions but now they're like the only thing that I look forward to anymore. That and my TV time._

 _I wonder if I get to go home once I finish my sessions with Dr. Sullivan? After today, I will have had sessions with four of the people on my tapes. So if that's the case, then I should only have to spend like nine more days in this place. But what if they make me stay here until I've proven to the doctors that I'm not a threat to myself… or to others? Or worse; what if they make me stay here permanently?_

That was all that was on Hanna's mind as she was being taken to her next session with Dr. Sullivan. Thankfully, she hadn't seen Big Rhonda since their little run-in yesterday. Hanna was hoping that was the last time she would ever see her. She hadn't seen Eddie either since her bath and that was two days ago. If Hanna was indeed in Radley for nine more days, she knew she was probably going to have to get another bed bath and she was not looking forward to that day. She'd rather smell and look like a werewolf than go through that again.

Wren stopped her wheelchair right in front of Dr. Sullivan's door as he went to knock on it.

"Come in!" answered Dr. Sullivan.

 _God. Even that is predictable. Can't she change it up and say: "it's open!" or whatever? I feel like my life is on a constant loop and I've been repeating the same day for a week now._

Wren opened the door and wheeled Hanna over to her spot on the loveseat. Unlike yesterday, Hanna's visitor wasn't here before her.

Dr. Sullivan sat down in her chair and Hanna could tell that she felt nervous about this particular session.

 _If she's nervous about this visitor, she must have a good reason to be. Who could it be then? Is she nervous for herself or nervous for me? She must be nervous for herself. Why though? Who's left on my tapes that would make her look so uneasy? Mona. Duh. After all, as "A", Mona destroyed Dr. Sullivan's office and threatened her son… whatever that entailed. It had to have been pretty bad if Dr. Sullivan had to skip town because of it. Plus, who the hell knows what else Mona did to her… or her son?_

Just as Hanna concluded her thoughts, Mona walked into the room but she didn't look at Hanna.

 _Speak of the devil…_

"Mona, it's nice to see you again. How have you been?" Dr. Sullivan asked shakily.

Mona noticed her former's shrink's apprehensiveness.

"I'm doing okay Dr. Sullivan. I'm truly sorry for the troubles I caused you and your son and I hope we can move pass that to help Hanna," she answered sincerely as she sat down in the chair next to the therapist.

Dr. Sullivan smiled. Both then turned their attention to Hanna.

It was the first time that Mona had seen her best friend since she tried to take her own life. She tried not to cry when she saw Hanna in the strait jacket.

"Did I really do this to you, Hanna?" she asked seriously.

Hanna slightly nodded then looked up at Mona. Hanna regretted looking at her instantly because she started crying.

"Oh, honey!" Mona exclaimed emotionally as she got up to hug Hanna. She then took a seat next to Hanna on the loveseat. "I never meant for any of this to happen! The game was like a drug; I was addicted to it. I wanted to stop after I hit you with that car but I couldn't. Being "A" just made me feel powerful for once in my life and I didn't want that feeling to go away. I hated Ali but at the same time, I wanted to be friends with her, but I couldn't have that. That's why I transformed you into "my Ali". But you could never be Ali, Hanna; you're too nice. You were my only friend, Hanna. The reason why I became "A" was because I always felt left out. A year after Ali's disappearance, all of a sudden, the four of you were back together again. I had already gotten rid of Ali and now Spencer, Emily and Aria were back. None of them stood up to Ali when she bullied me. Aria got the first text because she instigated the reunion between the four of you when she returned from Iceland… and because of the easy opportunity that presented itself with Mr. Fitz. It was an unfortunate side effect of being "A" that drew the four of you back together. From my perspective, who had never had a friend, threatening someone with their secrets would keep people silent and isolate them. It certainly worked with Ali but not with you guys. I always tried to separate you four but at some point I knew that I couldn't. So I hatched a new plan: try to be part of your group. That way you and I could be friends again. That's why I sent myself "A" messages; it made us all have something in common and it finally made me part of the group. But that plan didn't work either. You guys still iced me out. I didn't think I would ever be part of your group so it was time to be more aggressive. But none of my plans worked. Until this day, I want to be part of the group. I just want friends," she said hysterically.

"I'm the one who should be sorry," said Hanna in a raspy voice.

Mona looked up at her and Dr. Sullivan stared at her in shock.

"Hanna, you talked! You haven't so much as said a word in almost a week!" Dr. Sullivan said excitedly.

Hanna smiled sheepishly. "I couldn't just sit here and not say anything after hearing all that," she said quietly while looking at Mona. "Mona, I'm sorry I never stood up to Alison when she bullied you… or me, for that matter. And I'm sorry my friends and I constantly made you feel left out; it wasn't intentional. I'm also sorry for any pain and suffering that my tapes may have caused you," she added.

"Hanna, you don't have to apologize for anything. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I put you through so much. I really loved you once and I really was your friend. You're the only real friend I've ever had and I know things between us aren't what like they used to be, but I hope we can put all of this behind us and go back to being best friends. I love you, Hanna and I want you in my life. Please don't do anything like what you did ever again," Mona said sternly.

Hanna smiled. "I love you too, Mona. And I won't. I promise. Friends?"

"Friends," answered Mona with a smile. "But what about your other friends? I don't think they're as forgiving as you. They won't let me into the group," she said sadly.

"Don't worry about them. They'll come around eventually," Hanna said reassuringly.

"Okay, well I think this session was successful," interjected Dr. Sullivan." Hanna, do you have anything else you want to say to Mona or anything you want to ask her?"

Hanna shook her head 'no'.

"Mona?" asked Dr. Sullivan.

Mona looked at Hanna and asked Dr. Sullivan what she knew Hanna must've been wondering: "Yeah, when does Hanna get out of this place?"

 _Leave it to Mona to ask what I've been wanting to know since day one._

"Either after Hanna finishes all of her sessions with me or when her doctor thinks she's no longer a threat to herself or to others," answered Dr. Sullivan. "Anything else you want to know?"

"Yeah, all she did, forgive me for phrasing it like this Hanna, was slit her wrists and she gets put into a strait jacket? I ran her over with a car and did so much worse to not just her but to other people as well but she gets treated like she's crazier than me? That doesn't seem fair," Mona said bluntly.

 _Mona knows the answers to questions before I even ask them. Of course she would say that to Dr. Sullivan. She knew I must've been thinking the same thing. Mona knows me so well._

"Well, Mona. You most certainly have a point but it wasn't my call to put her in it. Her doctor just wants to be cautious," answered Dr. Sullivan.

"Who's her doctor?"

"Mona, that's none of your business."

"It's Wren, isn't it?"

"Alright, then," Dr. Sullivan said, dropping the subject. "This session is over now. Time to go Mona, our time is up. You'll see Hanna again before you know it," she said as she stood up to usher Mona out of the room.

Mona knew the answer to her own question so she didn't bother pushing it with Dr. Sullivan. She stood up from the loveseat and proceeded to help Hanna up.

"Bye Hanna. I love you. You'll be okay. Just don't eat the meatloaf," Mona said as she hugged Hanna.

Hanna chuckled. "Thanks for the advice. I'll be home soon."

Mona smirked when she saw Wren bring in Hanna's wheelchair. Hanna giggled.

"Hello, Mona" said Wren.

"Bye, Wren" Mona said as she walked out of the room. "Bye Dr. Sullivan!" she yelled from the hallway.

Hanna laughed when Wren jumped from Mona's sudden outburst.

"Hanna, you laughed! That's progress," Wren said excitedly as he got her into the wheelchair.

"She talked to Mona," added Dr. Sullivan, smiling.

"Really? Hanna, I'm so proud of you," Wren beamed.

Hanna smiled.

 _Wow. He's proud of me. I didn't plan on talking again after Mona's visit but maybe I should. Maybe if I start talking and socializing again, I can get out of this place sooner than expected. Fingers crossed…_


	22. Spencer

Hanna arrived to her session with Dr. Sullivan about 10 minutes earlier than expected the following day.

"Hanna, since you're here and it's just the two of us, I wonder if maybe you had anything you wanted to talk to me about." Dr. Sullivan said encouragingly. Hanna had made progress with Mona so Dr. Sullivan wanted to keep that progress going by having Hanna talk more.

A minute passed before Hanna responded. "Um, I was actually curious as to why these sessions aren't going in order of my tapes. Like why was Ali's dad my first visitor and not my own dad? Are you just going in an order based on each person's availability or…?"

Dr. Sullivan smiled. She was happy that Hanna was talking again. "Well, after listening to your tapes, originally I was just going to have these sessions be in the same order. But after listening to your tapes a second and third time, I decided not to after I thought of what might be best for you and for those select few. I theorized how you and the people on each tape might react once you came face to face after they listened to how they affected your decision. To you, it might seem like the order of these sessions is random. But I assure you, it's not. I wanted your first couple of sessions to be with the people, who I thought, had the least effect on your decision. I know what you're thinking; (obviously) Mona affected your life in a big way so why was she only your fourth visitor? To answer that, I also wanted your first couple of sessions to be with the people, who again I thought, might not have as big of a reaction as say as the last couple of people you'll be having sessions with. So in other words, I think the last half of your visitors were more affected by your incident than the first half of your visitors were. I just wanted these sessions to be organized in a way to maximize, not just your progress here at Radley, but your visitors progress outside of Radley. Does that make sense, Hanna?"

 _So that means Caleb, my mom and possibly my dad are probably some of my last visitors. But what about Miranda? If she did listen to the tapes, I don't think she would really be that affected by them so why wasn't she one of my earlier visitors? She's probably not even coming then. And what about "A"? Obviously if they stalked, tortured, and blackmailed me, I must've done something so bad to them (that I don't even know what that something is) that I deserved all of that abuse. So I definitely affected their life and they've definitely affected mine which means if "A" does plan on visiting, they're probably going to be my thirteenth visitor…_

"Hanna, does that make sense?" repeated Dr. Sullivan.

"What? Oh, sorry. Yeah it does. Thank you for explaining all of that," Hanna said as she came back to reality.

Before Hanna knew it, it was time for her fifth session. The clock in Dr. Sullivan's office just hit 1 pm, when a knock was heard on the door.

"Someone's here on the dot," Dr. Sullivan said as she got up to open the door. "Hello, Spencer! How've you been?" she asked once she saw who the visitor was. Then she realized that was probably a stupid question seeing as Spencer was only visiting her because her friend had tried to kill herself and Spencer was partially to blame.

"I'm okay," she said quietly and without much conviction. She entered the room and immediately locked eyes with Hanna. Spencer gave her a small smile and then proceeded to sit in the chair next to Dr. Sullivan, who had already taken her seat.

Hanna didn't know what to say and clearly neither did Spencer as both girls kept quiet and their heads down.

"Girls, you have 50 minutes to say what you want to say to each other; you should make the most of it," chimed in Dr. Sullivan.

At that, both girls slowly lifted their heads and faced each other. Hanna started to cry and seeing that made Spencer cry too.

"Hanna, I'm so sorry. It's sad that you had to turn to alcohol for comfort because you couldn't get it from your friends. We were all too caught up with Alison and "A" being back that I guess we didn't stop to see what affect it was having on you. We all yelled at you for drinking but none of us asked you why you were doing it. I guess we just assumed it was your way of dealing with Alison's and "A"'s return. And you were right, I could relate to your drinking problem because of my problem with amphetamines. That's why I visited and lectured Caleb about yours and his's drinking problem. But I should've done more than that; I should've automatically believed you when you said Zack hit on you. But I'm glad Caleb decked him though," Spencer added with a watery laugh.

That made Hanna laugh a little too. "Spencer, I'm sorry I made you come back to this place. I know you don't have any fond memories of Radley and I'm sorry if you coming here today brought any of those memories back. I was selfish when I made those tapes. I just wanted you all to feel guilty for causing my death. I didn't think of how what I said in those tapes would affect any of you. I honestly didn't think anybody would even listen to them, and if people did, I didn't think they would care," Hanna said emotionally.

"Of course we care Hanna! Don't you dare ever apologize for what you said on those tapes! You were speaking the truth and I'm glad you made them because they were a real eye… ear opener? I guess. No but seriously. Listening to how we all affected your decision made all (or most) of us rethink of what we say and how we treat other people. I'm just sorry that you had to go through all of that for us to get that simple, yet very effective message," Spencer said sincerely.

"Can I have a hug, Spence?" Hanna asked quietly.

Spencer got up from her chair next to Dr. Sullivan and walked over to the loveseat to give Hanna a hug.

"Thank you for coming, Spence."

"Thank you for still being here, Han."

That made Hanna cry even more so Spencer hugged her harder, if that was possible.

After a few minutes where the only sound was Hanna's soft crying, Spencer broke their hug and turned to face Dr. Sullivan.

"Why is she in a strait jacket? Do you really think Hanna is that dangerous? Look at her. She's like a teddy bear," Spencer asked while Hanna smiled.

"Well, like I told Mona yesterday Spencer, it was not my decision to put Hanna in one. And Hanna did have a little incident the other day right before her first session so it's just to be cautious," answered Dr. Sullivan, without going into too much detail.

Spencer nodded in understanding. She didn't want her friend to hurt herself again.

"Okay, Spencer do you have anything else you would like to say or ask Hanna?"

"Um, I don't think so."

"Hanna?"

"No."

"Then it looks like that is the end of our session. Thank you for coming Spencer, it was good to see you again," Dr. Sullivan said as she got up from her chair.

"Of course. It was nice to see you again too, Dr. Sullivan," Spencer said as she helped Hanna stand up from the loveseat.

There was knock on the door.

"That must be Dr. Kingston coming to bring you back to your room, Hanna," Dr. Sullivan said as she went to answer the door. Dr. Sullivan went to chat with Wren while Spencer and Hanna had a chat themselves.

Spencer turned to look at Hanna. "Wren's your doctor?" she asked with a devious smile.

"Yeah and Eddie's my nurse. Hey, Spence, can I ask you a personal question?" Hanna asked shyly.

"Yeah, what is it?" Spencer asked, concerned.

"I know you were only in this place for three days but did you ever have to get a bed bath or did they let you bathe on your own?"

"Um. Did they give you a bed bath, Han?" Spencer asked without answering the question.

Hanna nodded. "You didn't get one, did you?"

"No. Can't say I'm sorry I didn't though. How was it?"

"Awful. I felt so violated. And it made me never want to grow old," replied Hanna.

Spencer gave her a worried look.

"I don't mean that like I want to die young, I mean that like I don't want to ever get a bed bath again."

"Oh. Got'cha."

Dr. Sullivan finished her conversation with Wren and he brought Hanna's wheelchair back into the room.

"Hello, Spencer," greeted Wren.

"Hi, Wren. How've you been?"

"Not bad. Yourself?"

"I've been better," she said looking at Hanna.

"That's understandable. Don't worry, Spencer. I'm taking good care of Hanna. Aren't I, Hanna?" asked Wren.

Hanna smiled sincerely.

"Well, I guess I should get going. I'll see you soon, Han. Stay strong. I love you," said Spencer as she gave Hanna another hug.

"I love you too, Spence."

And with that, Spencer left. Wren got Hanna back into her wheelchair, on their way to watch some TV.

 _I'm assuming Emily, Aria or Ali will be visiting me tomorrow if Spencer visited me today. It would only make sense. Oh god. How am I supposed to face Ali or Aria tomorrow? Emily, I can deal with. But Aria and Ali … I don't know…_


	23. Emily

_I know Dr. Sullivan isn't having these sessions go in the same order as my tapes but I have a feeling that Emily is my next visitor and Aria will be after her. Let's see if I'm right…_

"Hanna, your next visitor is here," Dr. Sullivan said as she opened the door.

 _Ha-ha. I was right!_

"Emily, you can have a seat right there," instructed Dr. Sullivan. "Let's get started, shall we? Emily, what would you like to say and/or ask Hanna?"

Emily refused to make eye contact with Hanna. If she did, she probably wouldn't stop crying so she kept her eyes focused on her lap.

"Hanna, I'm sorry I put Ali's needs over your own. You were right; my love for her blinded me from seeing how her return was affecting you. But I obviously care about you or else I wouldn't even be here right now, talking to you. If I could go back and do things differently, I definitely would. I would've asked you why you were drinking instead of berating you. I wouldn't have pampered Ali so much and you so little. And most importantly, I would've believed you when you told me Zack hit on you. Basically, I should've been a better friend to you. You've always been a great friend to me. You did let me stay in your room for two weeks when my mom left to be with my dad when he was stationed in Texas. And I probably wouldn't even be who I am today if it weren't for you, Hanna. You knew I had feelings for Maya before I even did. You gave me the courage to accept myself for who I am and to not care what anyone else thinks. You told me that you would still love me if I was gay and that motivated me to come out to my parents. If you hadn't told me any of that stuff, I would probably still be in the closet and who knows what path that would've lead me down? Hanna, you mean so much to me. I'm so happy that Caleb found you when he did. If he didn't, I don't know what I would've done with myself, knowing that I was partially responsible for your death. I'm so sorry, Hanna. Will you please forgive me? This guilt is eating away at me. I need to know that you're going to be okay and if we are still friends," Emily said while crying. She still hadn't looked up at Hanna.

"I'll forgive you if you look at me," Hanna said somberly.

Emily slowly lifted her head and finally looked at Hanna. And sure enough, she started to cry.

"Oh, Hanna! Why are you in a strait jacket? Did you try to hurt yourself again? Please say 'no'," Emily's voice quavered.

"Well... not exactly. I tried stabbing Wren and Eddie to try to get out of coming to these sessions. I thought that if I acted up, then I wouldn't have to go. But I didn't think they would sedate me," answered Hanna, sounding ashamed.

Emily gave her a worried look. She didn't think Hanna was the violent type. Then again, she didn't know Hanna was suicidal either. What else didn't she know about her supposed best friend?

"Hanna, how are you doing? I mean, that's a stupid question, under the circumstances but are these sessions helping you? Did me coming here today do anything for you? I want you to get better Hanna. We… I… miss you," Emily asked, concerned.

"To be honest, yeah Em, they are. I feel like these sessions are not only helping me but are helping you guys too. Did coming here today do anything for you?" Hanna asked, turning the question back on Emily.

"Yeah. It did actually. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest; I don't feel as guilty anymore. Now instead of being one of the reasons why you tried to end your life, I'm one of the reasons why your life will get better," Emily said, smiling. "So, I'm forgiven?"

"Yes, Em. You're forgiven. Am I forgiven?"

"Forgiven for what, Han?"

"For making you feel guilty."

"Why would you apologize for that? I deserved to feel guilty. I treated you like crap."

Hanna didn't say anything because she knew it was the truth.

"But not anymore. You're my friend and I'm going to start treating you like it. "Hanna, once you get out of here, I want you to tell me when you're feeling down or sad. Tell me how I can help you."

"Okay. Thanks, Em. And you're not a bad friend, by the way."

Emily smiled.

"Hanna, do you have anything else you want to say or ask Emily?" asked Dr. Sullivan.

"No."

"Okay, well it looks like that's the end of our session then. Thank you Emily for stopping by," said Dr. Sullivan.

"Thank you, Dr. Sullivan for doing this. For having these sessions. It was a good idea," replied Emily.

"Thanks. I'm glad to hear that these sessions are not only helping Hanna, but helping you guys too."

"Can I give Hanna a hug, Dr. Sullivan?"

"Of course you can Emily. Go right ahead."

Emily ran over to Hanna and nearly tackled her down onto the loveseat.

"Em, I love you, but my arms are already immobile, I don't need them to be numb on top of that. Please stop hugging me so tightly," Hanna said into Emily's hair.

"Oh, sorry, Han," Emily said, immediately loosening her grip.

"It's okay," Hanna said while laughing. "Thanks for coming to see me. I know it must've been hard for you."

"What was hard, was not knowing how you were doing in here. They're treating you okay, right?" Emily asked quietly while Dr. Sullivan was discussing Hanna's progress with Wren.

Wren looked up for a moment, and nodded his head in Emily's direction, his way of saying 'hi' without actually saying it. Emily smiled at him and returned her focus back on Hanna.

"Yeah. I'm doing okay. Hopefully, I'll be home in a little over a week," answered Hanna.

"That's good, Han. I can't wait for you to come home."

"I can't wait for me to come home too."


	24. Aria

_I was right again; Aria is my next visitor. Watch Ali be after her…_

"Hanna, there's something you should know. Before I got the text from Caleb saying that you were in the hospital in critical condition, I was on my way to his cabin to see you. I wanted to apologize for what I said to you the day before. You might already know this, but you weren't the first person that Zack had made a pass at; he's a big jerk internationally," Aria said indignantly.

"Well, 'A' stoked the fire," replied Hanna, coldly.

"It doesn't matter, he took the bait," added Aria.

"Why didn't you believe me?" Hanna asked sadly.

"It wasn't so much that I didn't believe you, I just wanted to believe my mom could find someone again and be happy."

"Aria, can I ask you something else?"

"Of course."

"How do you keep going when the worst thing has happened?"

"What do you mean by that Hanna?" Aria asked nervously.

"When someone you love tells you something, you kind of automatically think it's true. Suicide had been weighing heavily on my mind since Ali's return. But hearing you, my best friend, tell me that I was 'always the problem' and that I 'should go ahead and self-destruct' basically gave me the okay to do it… to end my life. If you actually listened to your tape, then you should've already heard this" she added bitterly. "And that was the worst thing that had happened to me; one of my best friends, someone I love, straight up told me that she didn't care about what happened to me. After that awful night, I asked myself: "what do I have to change inside to survive? Who do I have to become?" When I couldn't find an answer to either of those questions, that's when I decided that my time here on Earth, was up," Hanna paused but continued before Aria could respond. "And another thing, you also told me that you weren't going to let me bring your mom down too. The fact that you added **too** to the end of that statement implied that you knew even before I visited you that night that I was down. But instead of building me up, you knocked me down even more."

A minute passed before Aria said anything. "I'm going to be honest, Hanna; I didn't listen to my tape in its entirety. I was too ashamed of what I might've done to you. I stopped listening after you said that 'you would've just kept it to yourself'. I don't even know what to say. I don't think saying 'I'm sorry' is ever going to be enough."

"It's a start," Hanna said, void of any emotion.

"I'm so sorry, Hanna! How do I even apologize for something like that?! Forget the other twelve people; I'm the one who cut you down when you were at the end of your rope. I should be arrested for involuntary manslaughter, for crying out loud! Hanna, please tell me what I can do in order for you to forgive me," Aria said hysterically.

"Aria, please calm down. You coming here, crying hysterically and begging for my forgiveness clearly shows how much you care about me. I just wished you would've shown me this much concern when I told you about Zack," replied Hanna.

"I know. I do love and care about you, Hanna. You're one of my best friends. Hell, if you would've stayed with Mike, you could've been my future sister-in-law. But you are like a sister to me, Hanna. Sure we fight, but we'll always love each other, no matter what, Right?" she asked more, calmly.

"Yes. I love you too, Aria. And I forgive you."

"Are you just saying that to shut me up?" she sniffled.

"No. I really forgive you. And it's probably for the best that you heard what I had to say to your face and not through headphones. I think it was more effective this way."

"It definitely was," Aria said as she got up to hug Hanna.


	25. Ali

_I'm going to predict that my dad will be next to visit me, that is if he actually shows up. My mom or Caleb will probably be after him and I doubt Miranda and "A" are going to make an appearance._

"Hi, Hanna," Ali said (uncharacteristically) nicely.

 _Wait a second… Why does her voice sound so similar, you know despite the obviousness that she's my "friend"? Oh god. Before Wren gave me those pills, Ali's voice was the one that I was hearing inside my head; the one telling me to kill myself again._

Hanna was calm one second but as soon as she realized that was indeed Ali's voice telling her to commit suicide again, she started shaking. On top of that, her heart was beating fast, she was sweating, and she was hyperventilating.

"Hanna? Hanna, are you okay? Dr. Sullivan, what's wrong with her?!" Ali shouted.

"I… can't…breathe…" Hanna managed to say through her shortness of breath.

"She's having a panic attack, Alison," answered Dr. Sullivan. "Hanna, sweetie, there's nothing to be afraid of. You're safe here. Panic attacks are only temporary but I need you to breathe, Hanna. Can you do that for me, please?" she asked as if she was talking to a small child.

Hanna nodded her head.

"Good. I want you to take a deep breath in for four seconds, then let it out for four seconds and repeat."

Hanna tried doing as her therapist asked but she was having difficulty; especially with Ali still in the room. She looked over at Ali and Dr. Sullivan understood what Hanna wanted. "Alison, would you mind stepping out for a moment please? Hanna and I need some privacy."

Alison nodded her head in understanding then got up and left the room.

Dr. Sullivan walked over to Hanna and rested her hand on the young girl's shoulder. "Is that better, Hanna?"

Hanna nodded again. "Don't worry, Hanna. I'm going to help you get through this. Just remember to breathe. That's the most important thing right now."

Hanna, again, tried doing what Dr. Sullivan asked and this time she was successful. She could feel her heart rate starting to slow down and she wasn't shaking as much. After 10 long minutes, Hanna had finally calmed down.

"Do you want to talk about what just happened, Hanna? It's only the two of us now," Dr. Sullivan asked as she took a seat next to Hanna on the loveseat.

"Before Wren… err… Dr. Kingston gave me that prescription for the Netflixor…"

"Effexor?" corrected Dr. Sullivan.

"Yeah that one. Anyway, before I started taking that medication, there was this voice in my head urging me to kill myself again. And I just realized that it was Ali's voice telling me to do it."

"I see. Do you not wish to continue this session, Hanna? I don't want to risk the chance of you having another panic attack… or worse."

"No. I'll continue it. I need to face Ali. If I don't, I don't know if I'll ever fully recover."

"Okay, Hanna. If that's what you want, I'm not going to stop you. I'll go bring Alison back in," she said as she made her way to the door.

A minute later, Dr. Sullivan and Ali resumed their spots in their respected chairs.

"Hanna, was I the cause of your panic attack? Is that why you really had me leave, Dr. Sullivan?"

Hanna nodded, answering both questions.

"Oh… I was never a good friend to you or to Spencer, Emily and Aria. But I honestly thought I was helping you guys… telling you what to wear, how to act, who to like. I never realized how bad that felt – to be on the other side of that. So, I'm sorry; for bullying you, for nicknaming you 'Hefty Hanna', for helping you binge, for getting you into this 'A' mess, and for basically ruining your life. I was supposed to be your friend, Hanna but I never treated you like one. You deserved so much better, Han and I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me but I just need you to know that you're worth it, Hanna. You're worth so much more than you think or anyone has made you think, that includes me. You've always stood by me through thick and thin and now I'm going to do the same for you, because that's what friends are supposed to do," was Ali's response.

"Ali, you were the best friend I ever had. And that meant a lot to me – you meant a lot to me. But you were also the worst enemy I ever had."

"I know, Han. But my friends… you… are my rock. Without you I am lost in the woods."

"You'd feel lost without me?"

"I was lost without you when I was gone for those two years. I had no one, except for you four. If it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be where I am today… alive. Not to sound cheesy but your love and my love for you guys is what brought me back to Rosewood. That's why I visited you in the hospital after Mona hit you with that car. I didn't care what happened to me after that, I just needed to know if you were alive and safe. And of course you were, you had so many people who care about you surrounding you. Like Spencer, Emily, Aria, Sean, Lucas, your mom, etc. And it's the same thing now, Hanna. All of us on the tapes care about you. That's why we're coming to these sessions. We (again) need to know that you're alive and safe. And most importantly, we all want to keep you that way."

"Thank you for saying all that, Ali. I'd never thought in a million years that you would ever apologize to me or say that you love me. So thank you. That means more than you could ever know. And I'm sorry for whatever really happened to you during those two years you were gone. Before we knew you were alive, the four of us stopped at nothing to find out what really happened to you and who might've done it."

"Thanks, Han and I know. You guys have proven over and over again how loyal you are even after the horrible ways I've treated you," Ali paused before adding: "Hanna, I also want to apologize for putting you through an identity crisis. Not knowing who you are can be one of the worst things that anyone can go through. And you could never be me, Hanna. I don't mean that in a superficial way. I mean that I could never be you; nice, loyal, and most importantly, a good friend."

"I forgive you, Ali."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really. You're not the same person you were two years ago. You've changed… for the better. The Ali I knew two years ago would've never said something as heartfelt as you just said so I forgive you."

"I love you, Ali," Hanna said as Ali got up and hugged her.

"I love you too, Han," replied Ali. Saying the most honest thing she had ever said in her entire life.


	26. Tom

_I can see why Dr. Sullivan wanted me to visit these last couple of people later rather than sooner. If I would've had to face Caleb or my mom the day after I woke up here in Radley, I wouldn't have been able to go through with it. But after being here for a week and a half, I've made a lot of progress and I think I can handle their visits without having a total breakdown._

"Hanna, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but it looks like we won't be having a session today. Your visitor has cancelled," Dr. Sullivan said, sadly.

"Let me guess, my dad was supposed to visit me today?" Hanna asked in annoyance.

"Yes he was. But he called right before Dr. Kingston brought you in here, saying that he couldn't go and that he hopes you'll understand."

Before Hanna could respond, the phone rang and Dr. Sullivan went to answer it.

" _Hopes I'll understand"? How could he do this to me? Did he even listen to my tape? If so, is he too ashamed to face me or does he just not care? He doesn't care. He's probably happy (and not surprised) that I ended up in this place. Now he can focus all his attention on Kate and Isabel and he won't have me holding him down. I was facetious when I said that he probably wouldn't come to my funeral (if I had one). Maybe that's him on the phone with Dr. Sullivan? Maybe he realized what an ass he was being so he changed his mind and is actually coming to our session? One can only hope…_

Right after Hanna collected her thoughts; Dr. Sullivan hung up the phone and sat back down in her chair.

"Was that my dad on the phone? Did he change his mind?" asked a hopeful Hanna.

"I'm sorry, Hanna but no… it wasn't your dad," Dr. Sullivan said sadly.

"Wishful thinking, I guess," Hanna said wistfully.

"But I have some good news; this session is not cancelled after all. I just got off the phone with someone who wasn't scheduled to have a session with you. In other words, they're not on your tapes but they want to see and talk to you anyway. I said that was okay. Is it, Hanna? I can call back and tell them 'nevermind' if you don't want to see them?"

"Who is it?"

"They wanted to surprise you."

"Okay. How long until they get here, then?"

"They should be here shortly."

 _Someone who's not even on my tapes wants to visit me but my own dad doesn't? I wonder who it is though. I honestly have no idea. Maybe Mike Montgomery? We were each other's first kiss. And according to Aria, he still has the hots for me. Or maybe it's Sean Ackard? He was my first real boyfriend but we lost touch. Maybe he heard about what happened and just wanted to check in? I don't know who else it could be. Or maybe it's my grandma. She probably knows that my dad didn't/wasn't going to show up so she wants to make up for her son's neglectfulness. Yeah... it must be her._

Hanna's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

 _That was fast._

Dr. Sullivan got up to let the surprise visitor in.

And let's just say that Hanna was indeed surprised.

 _Lucas? How the hell did I not even think of him? Of course he would show up. He's always cared deeply about me. It's the reason why I left him the copy of the tapes I made. He's one of the few people I actually trust._

"Hi, Hanna. Sorry for the intrusion but I told Dr. Sullivan if there was anyone who didn't show up to these sessions, then I would gladly take their place. She called me right after your dad called her," Lucas said warmly.

"Not to sound rude, but how'd you even know about the sessions? Please tell me no one else in Rosewood knows about these tapes," Hanna asked, worriedly.

"Hanna, I was the one who gave Dr. Sullivan the tapes. That's how she knows about them because I gave her the copies you left for me. I certainly didn't want them. Being in possession of those tapes made me feel like I was in possession of your diary and that was too much for me to handle. I wanted to get rid of them but I didn't know what to do with them. I figured since your plan (thankfully) didn't work, you would want them back for safekeeping, I guess. But then I thought that maybe I could do something more with those copies and that's when I decided to give them to Dr. Sullivan. After she listened to them a couple of times, she thought it would be a good idea for you to have sessions with each person on the tapes. She ran the idea by me, seeing as I was the one who gave her the tapes, and the rest is history. You're not mad at me, are you Hanna? I was only trying to do what I thought was best for you," Lucas said sincerely.

"Lucas, please don't apologize. You meant well. And it turns out what you thought was best for me, **was** what was best for me. These sessions are really helping, not just me, but the people on my tapes too. I think I've healed some old wounds by having these sessions and I couldn't thank you enough, Lucas."

"Glad to be of service," he said happily as he gave her a hug.

"Thank you for coming, Lucas. You're always there for me when no one else is."

Lucas smiled.


	27. Ashley

"Honey, are you doing alright in this place?" Ashley asked with worried eyes.

"Yeah, I'm doing fine," answered Hanna, not sounding very convincing.

"Hanna…"

"I'm fine. I have never seen you like this."

"Of course you haven't, Hanna. Look where we are. You know I'm always here for you, honey, and I'm always trying to help you."

"Yeah but you're never so quick to think that I need it."

"Okay… do you need it?"

"Yes… but I'm not going to let you give it to me."

"What? Why? Hanna, I want to help you get better."

"You have spent your whole life helping me. Doing things you shouldn't have had to do."

"Because I love you."

"And now it's time for me to show you how much I love you by not letting you get involved."

"What are you talking about? I'm already involved or else I wouldn't be here right now. And I already know how much you love me."

"Really? You don't hate me for putting you on those tapes and for the hell I put you through this week?" Hanna asked, incredulously.

"Honey, why would I hate you for being alive? Hanna, now is not the time to be stubborn. You don't have to be embarrassed to ask for help. Your mental health is not a problem that you can just fix on your own. That's why you are here; to have people like Dr. Sullivan and Dr. Kingston help you. Not to mention all the people on your tapes, including me. We're here to help you too; to undo the wrongs that we did. Please let me help you, Hanna. Don't shut me out."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being here. That's what's helping me."

"Sorry to interrupt, but I think you two should discuss what Hanna was talking about on the tape about you, Ashley," interjected Dr. Sullivan.

"Hanna, I don't prefer Alison as a daughter to you. Things are just complicated and you wouldn't understand."

"What do you mean I 'wouldn't understand'? Understand what?"

"Now's not the right time… When you become a mother, you'll understand. And I couldn't help it; I had to help Alison after what she went through. Clearly, I wasn't aware of what was going on between you and her. I might've just told her to ask to stay at another friend's house if I would've know that you weren't okay with her living with us. Hanna, I'm sorry I made you feel like you were the guest and Alison was the daughter. I didn't do it intentionally. In fact, I didn't even realize I was doing it. Alison is your friend Hanna, and I wanted to treat her the same way I treat you. She just lost her mother so I tried doing what I could to help her deal with that loss. And I guess I was so preoccupied with Alison's well-being that I didn't even notice the demons that my own daughter was dealing with."

"Mom, you don't have to apologize for being a mom. I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"Hanna, while we still have time, is there anything else you want to talk to me about?" asked Ashley.

"Did you know Dad didn't show up yesterday?"

"No. I didn't actually. I'm so sorry, Hanna."

"Why are you apologizing? He's the one who's a deadbeat. Even Kate had the decency to show up."

"Ashley is there anything else you'd like to ask or talk to your daughter about?" asked Dr. Sullivan.

"Um, no. I don't think so," Ashley answered, hesitantly.

"I guess that's the end of this session then. Thank you Ashley for stopping by," said Dr. Sullivan.

"Thank you for always being there to help my daughter," Ashley replied, sincerely.

"My pleasure."

Ashley walked over to the loveseat and sat down next to Hanna. Ms. Marin was there, hugging her daughter like she might disappear into a wisp of smoke.


	28. Caleb

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Like 99% of this chapter contains actual Haleb/PLL quotes.**

 _I think Grunwald is starting to rub off on me… Either my life is way too predictable now or I'm psychic…_

"I'm here to take care of you, Hanna," Caleb said truthfully.

"I can take care of myself!" Hanna shouted, suddenly.

"No, you can't," Caleb replied, sternly.

"What?" Hanna asked, angrily.

"I said 'no, you can't'. You think you can and usually you can but this time you're wrong and you know it," answered Caleb. "Hanna, I will fight for you but you have to trust me. If we don't trust each other… then I don't know. But I'm not gonna leave you. It's just never gonna happen. So I hate to break it to you girl, but you're stuck with me," he said with a smirk.

"Caleb, why did you really come here today… you know, besides the obvious?" interrupted Dr. Sullivan.

"I needed Hanna's help. I needed to figure some things out. Like how I felt about her. Losing Hanna would've been a disaster. I would've spent the rest of my life kicking myself for losing the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't imagine my life without Hanna. And I don't want to. I never want to spend another day without her…ever… for the rest of my life," Caleb was choked with emotion.

"What are you saying?" asked a less angry Hanna.

"I want to marry you, Hanna." Caleb said lovingly.

 _Oh my god. He actually wants to marry me? What the hell? I'm sure he's the only guy in the world who proposed to his girlfriend while visiting her in a mental hospital. I definitely wasn't expecting that. Of course I want to marry Caleb, but a wedding is the last thing on my mind right now. Before I give Caleb an answer, he needs to give me some answers…_

"What happened in Ravenswood?" Hanna asked, dodging his proposal.

"Nothing happened between me and Miranda, if that's what you're asking. She's dead, Hanna. She died in the car accident, the same one that I almost died in," he said dejectedly. "Anyway, they called it a pact but what that town made was a contract."

"With that preacher?"

"With what the preacher represented but contracts have loopholes."

"So what did you do? You and the others?"

"We…uh… took the jars down to the bridge, where the car went into the water that first night, and we opened them… all of them and released whatever was inside."

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing for a minute… but then the woods were filled with fireflies… millions of them. They drifted up into the trees and they were gone. Mrs. Grunwald called it 'great ascendancy'."

"And after that?"

"No demons, no messages, no revenge."

"And no Miranda."

"She was gone."

"Then you kept your promise. You took care of her."

"I have… uh… I've spent this whole time trying to talk myself into…"

"You did help her Caleb. And now you're back with me," interrupted Hanna.

"I am not the same person that I was when I left here."

"Look maybe you're not the person you were when you left but I'm not exactly who I used to be either. I used to think what if there was a button that I could push and all of things that have complicated my life would just un-happen? I would push it, and all of the people that shouldn't have died would still be alive. I wouldn't have hurt anyone or disappointed them, and no one would have hurt me or lied to me, and this whole mess would just be cleaned up. But if I push that button, I would be gone too. I am me because of what has happened, what I've done, and because of who I love... I like that person. That me. Mess and all."

"I'm so proud of you, Hanna," Caleb beamed.

Hanna smiled back. "We'll get through this, Caleb. I didn't come this far not to have a happy ending."

"Is that a 'yes' then?" Caleb asked with a smirk.

"Did you really mean what you said?" Hanna asked with uncertainty.

"What?" asked a confused Caleb.

"To Dr. Sullivan. Did you really…?"

"Hanna…"

"I need to know. Because I don't know if you said it just to…"

"Hanna… I would marry you right this second if Dr. Sullivan was licensed," Caleb said somewhat seriously. He paused and looked over to Dr. Sullivan: "Are you licensed to wed?" he joked.

Dr. Sullivan chuckled. "No, I am not."

"Then yes," said Hanna.

"Yes, you'll marry me?" Caleb asked with a smile.

"No bells and whistles. Just the two of us exchanging vows to finally make us official," answered Hanna.

"I love you, Hanna," Caleb said with an even bigger smile.

"I love you too, Caleb," Hanna said, reciprocating his smile.


	29. A

"Well, Hanna you've completed all of your sessions. How do you feel?" asked Dr. Sullivan.

"Definitely better than when I first got here," was Hanna's response.

Dr. Sullivan chuckled. "I'm glad to hear that. You most certainly have made a lot of progress in the two and a half weeks you've been at Radley."

"I feel that if I can face the 13, well I guess 10 seeing as my dad bailed on me (yet again), Miranda is dead and I have no idea who the hell 'A' is, reasons why I ended up in this place, I can face anyone now."

"That's such a great attitude Hanna. I'm so proud of how far you've come since I've been your therapist. We may've completed all of our sessions together, but know that I'm always here when you need someone to listen," Dr. Sullivan said with a smile.

"Thank you for everything, Dr. Sullivan. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be drowning in my own saliva from all the medication they would've given me."

"Speaking of medication, when you are discharged, your mom is going to have to make sure that you take and swallow all of your pills. I don't want to get a call saying that you overdosed or something," Dr. Sullivan said glumly. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself, Hanna."

"I promise. I won't do anything that stupid again. Life's a gift and I don't plan on wasting it."

Hanna was spending her last night in Radley getting another bed bath. She's had five since she's been here so you'd think she would be used to the awkwardness of them by now but nope. It was her last night at Radley and all she wanted was a good night's sleep. But it didn't look like that was going to happen…

When Eddie came in with the supplies for the bath, Hanna outwardly groaned.

"Can't you just sedate me for this last one? Please?" she nearly begged.

"I shouldn't but if it'll make you feel better and more comfortable, then I will," he said as he went to get a sedative syringe.

Hanna sighed in content.

Within a minute, Eddie was back by Hanna's bedside. But before he could inject the sedative into her bloodstream, Hanna asked: "I know I probably shouldn't be near razors but I'm tired of looking like a werewolf if you know what I mean."

Eddie nodded in understanding as he induced Hanna to sleep.

Hanna woke up about an hour later, completely cleaned and shaved. She felt like she lost 10 pounds just from losing all that unruly hair. It was only when Hanna looked down at her legs that she realized that she wasn't restrained anymore. She could actually move her limbs and her chest for once and she could get out of bed on her own. So that's what she did. She knew her door was locked so she just explored her room, even though there wasn't much to look at. She had her bed (obviously), a wheelie stool, a nightstand, a desk and a tiny little barred window. Hanna walked over to the desk.

 _There isn't anything on it so what's the point of even having it?_

She looked closer at the desk and suddenly she wished that she hadn't. Carved into the desk was a message signed by an all too familiar letter:

 **Hanny, where's the fun in playing cat and mouse if the mouse is dead? – A**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry to end on a cliffhanger. I've decided to continue this story with a sequel/alternate ending. I say alternate ending because what I have planned for the sequel is basically a crackpot theory and it'll complicate the fuck out of this story. It's called "Lucky Thirteen" so please check it out. Thank you to all who took the time to read this story, favorited/followed it and left a review. Much appreciated.**


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